Wednesday, February 27, 2008

the world isn't fair

Sometimes I feel that women really get the short end of the stick.

Men have it so easy. They don't even know all the crap that we deal with on a daily basis.

Girls have to get up and in order to not become the 'crazy cat lady' of their neighborhood we have to do our hair, put on makeup, and shave our legs. Basically all men have to do is BATHE. That's right guys, just don't stink and you got it made. Nobody cares if a man doesn't have lush eyelashes, thick hair, or glossy lips. When men get wrinkles they still look handsome. Sometimes even distinguished. When you say distinguished about a woman what you really mean is OLD with beady eyes and a bun.

With an afghan on her lap.

With a cat sitting on it.

Women are the buyers of presents. Have you ever noticed that men don't buy their guy friends presents. What? They are macho. All they need to do is give each other a hearty pat on the back and say, "I like the tires on your truck". That is, "Happy Birthday man! I love you!" in man speak. If women didn't give a gift to their friends they would feel all guilty inside and then because they feel badly spend twice as much as they would have to start with. You have to give your girlfriends presents because if you don't they won't give one to you on YOUR birthday.

Catty bitches.

Women have a nasty little anatomical mistake called I like to call ovaries. That's right. We have PMS and a menstrual cycle. Yeah yeah... we like to bawl about it. But its because its TRUE. Unless you are currently using your ovaries or uterus for, I dunno, reproducing, they are the bane of your existence.

Men like to complain about it. Hey we like to complain about it! I don't think guys understand that we didn't plan to be a emotionally akin to a severely burned,bloated female badger defending her young. We can't help it. Your hormones are all out of control and you get emotional. And don't get me started about your period being a little over due. Talk about a bad mood. Its like your whole body is pissed because your ovaries were off messing around eating bon bons while watching Jane Austen adaptions and dropped the ball.

Not only are the hormonal parts a pain but we have the actual period as well. Oh yeah. That's a joy Try planning your vacation around that. For instance, on my recent trip to Mexico I was super paranoid about having to deal with that on top of all the other things I needed to worry about. When I voiced this concern to Randy he said, "You better not be on your period. You won't be able to go scuba diving with us. You'll attract sharks." and then laughed gleefully. If it wasn't funny I might have scratched out his right eye. Later on when it got closer to the date and still no period he asked me when I would be "chumming".
That's right. He's charming folks, and he's ALL mine. Lucky me.


Just me said...

I have nothing witty to comment on this piece. You just have a way with expressing yourself that makes me proud to be your sister. You just bloged about your period...

FOODIE said...

LMAO! My sissy's s-i-l blogged that her son came in the bathroom (the door wasn't locked) saw the tampon on the counter (unwrapped, but not used ) and asked her if it was her new toothbrush...and was glad that he accepted just that answer and left.

I don't know that I would blog about that myself, but hey, more power to her!

Lucky-Unlucky? said...

ROFLMAO!!! "Chumming" OMG! That's hilarious!!!! I have 3 letters for you...IUD. I haven't had my period for 2 1/2 years! No side effects, the random mood swing and a little bloating for about a day. Ask your OB!

AND, on the present thing? I buy my boyfriend the coolest stuff...AND HE NEVER USES THEM!!! What's up with that? I'm not talkin' kinkie stuff either, video games, full car detail...really good stuff!!!

Lois said...

I'm totally cracking up on the "chumming" comment. Too funny.

Between being pregnant, nursing and an IUD, I haven't had a period since 1997. Creepy, but wonderful!

I was very impressed that this year my husband said that he wanted to send out the Christmas newsletters. Surprise, surprise, they're still sitting here on the piano. What a guy.