Friday, February 29, 2008

Mac envy

So Apple has these fun commercials where two actors play Mac and PC. PC is played by a short, chubby awkward guy with glasses and Mac is played by actor Justin Long who is strangely cool without looking like he tries very hard. The campaign is pretty witty and smart and I think they really connect with people. I think they are pretty humorous and I always stop my Tivo in mid fast forward to watch if I think its new.

Unfortunately, my computer is a short chubby awkward guy with devil horns, a spiked tail, pitchfork and a bad sense of humor. His name is Dell. I hate Dell. I'm pretty sure Dell hates me. I've never actually come out and asked because we don't talk much. We're not friends. Dell is overly dramatic, stubborn and slow. I'm very demanding and bossy. We just don't mesh but we are forced to spend long amounts of time together and it makes us both hot under the collar and frustrated.

Dell sometimes refuses to charge even though we had a big to do about it once before. We got Dell a new battery and supply cord. We were very cordial. I promised to be nicer, but it all began to fall apart soon after that. Dell gets mad and charges intermittently when he feels like it, on and off, over and over, and the now the battery lasts half as long as it should. Sometimes Dell won't charge at all and we have to beg, plead, and cajole till he's done being a drama queen.

Recently Dell got a virus. He blamed it on us. Granted our virus protection was frighteningly low but that's because when we do have it set to the full protection he gets lazy. Dell starts taking ten minutes to get his lazy butt up and another five to get us on to the internet. I think he feels safe so he messes with us. Since then Dell has been a real snot; freezing pages or taking an eternity to load. I've had it up to here.

Randy hates when I complain about Dell. He figures if I hate Dell so much I should just go and buy a new desk top. That's great I'd love to do that but unfortunately I have my heart set on Mac. He's cute, and stylish and ohhhh so cool. He's really artistic and would be great for a photographer like myself. Unfortunately, Mac is also pricey. So I am saving and its gonna take me some time. I want the works. Dell and I will just have to get along for a while longer. In the mean time we will resort to some petty taunting. Randy has already started. Check out Dell's sweet decals.

He's pissed.

Wednesday, February 27, 2008

the world isn't fair

Sometimes I feel that women really get the short end of the stick.

Men have it so easy. They don't even know all the crap that we deal with on a daily basis.

Girls have to get up and in order to not become the 'crazy cat lady' of their neighborhood we have to do our hair, put on makeup, and shave our legs. Basically all men have to do is BATHE. That's right guys, just don't stink and you got it made. Nobody cares if a man doesn't have lush eyelashes, thick hair, or glossy lips. When men get wrinkles they still look handsome. Sometimes even distinguished. When you say distinguished about a woman what you really mean is OLD with beady eyes and a bun.

With an afghan on her lap.

With a cat sitting on it.

Women are the buyers of presents. Have you ever noticed that men don't buy their guy friends presents. What? They are macho. All they need to do is give each other a hearty pat on the back and say, "I like the tires on your truck". That is, "Happy Birthday man! I love you!" in man speak. If women didn't give a gift to their friends they would feel all guilty inside and then because they feel badly spend twice as much as they would have to start with. You have to give your girlfriends presents because if you don't they won't give one to you on YOUR birthday.

Catty bitches.

Women have a nasty little anatomical mistake called I like to call ovaries. That's right. We have PMS and a menstrual cycle. Yeah yeah... we like to bawl about it. But its because its TRUE. Unless you are currently using your ovaries or uterus for, I dunno, reproducing, they are the bane of your existence.

Men like to complain about it. Hey we like to complain about it! I don't think guys understand that we didn't plan to be a emotionally akin to a severely burned,bloated female badger defending her young. We can't help it. Your hormones are all out of control and you get emotional. And don't get me started about your period being a little over due. Talk about a bad mood. Its like your whole body is pissed because your ovaries were off messing around eating bon bons while watching Jane Austen adaptions and dropped the ball.

Not only are the hormonal parts a pain but we have the actual period as well. Oh yeah. That's a joy Try planning your vacation around that. For instance, on my recent trip to Mexico I was super paranoid about having to deal with that on top of all the other things I needed to worry about. When I voiced this concern to Randy he said, "You better not be on your period. You won't be able to go scuba diving with us. You'll attract sharks." and then laughed gleefully. If it wasn't funny I might have scratched out his right eye. Later on when it got closer to the date and still no period he asked me when I would be "chumming".
That's right. He's charming folks, and he's ALL mine. Lucky me.

maybe she's born with it

So yesterday while strolling the hallowed aisles of Wal-Mart I succumbed to my vanity.

Now in general I would say I'm not vain. I mean I do like to look nice and rarely leave the house without make up but if I really truly were vain I would have a lot of questions to answer considering the ample size of my butt. I'm definitely not one of those velour jogging suit clad women on Jerry Springer that personify the term "jiggle" and say things like, "I's aaaaalll that!". I have my good points but I am also sane enough to know my less then glorious points as well.

Anyway, yesterday I made a bee line right to that Maybelline aisle. I had seen this commercial on TV a lot lately with a gorgeous pouty lipped model talking about their VolumeXLSeduction Lip Plumper as her hair blew fantastically around her in a dramatic and awe inspiring way. Her hair never even got stuck in her gloss. That says something. I decided to give it a try.

Did I mention it cost eight dollars?

Awhile back when I had been tanning my lips had gotten chapped AND burned and it turned my pout into something sensationally puffy--for the day at least. It was then that I knew that if I didn't already feel so strongly that we are beautiful just the way God made us (read: If I only had the money to spend in such a frivolous way) I would totally get collagen injections.

My feelings about plastic surgery are simple. If you do it because it makes you feel better about yourself, do it. If you're doing it because you want you and your imaginary BFF Kiera Knightly to look exactly alike, don't do it. If you work out hard but just don't get the results you've been trying so hard for, get it. If you think you need to be unnaturally out of proportion to please your man or stick it to the ex-boyfriend, DON'T GET IT. Don't do it if you're just trying to be perfect like your neighbor with the cheating lawyer husband and the BMW. If you do it for the wrong reasons I seriously doubt that that is what you're missing and the plastic surgery isn't going to fix it.

That last part I think is seriously important. I read an article not to long ago that said that Utah was third in the country for breast enlargements after California and Florida. Now with the majority of our population being ultra conservative and or dress modestly due to their religious belief, what do you really think is driving these women? We cannot claim the oceans of models, actresses and other look-based industries that California and Florida do. Do women in Utah have lower self esteems or is there just a bigger push here to be perfect? Does this happen to have any correlation with the fact that we have the highest incidence of prescription drug abuse in the country as well? I'll let you decide.

In the mean time I will just be content with my plumping lip gloss and being uncomplimentary to those people in Hollywood that definitely have done it and won't admit it. Mariah... I'm talking about you!! I think a lot of us would have a thing or two lifted or sucked out or put in. What would you do if money wasn't an option? And if you are just dying to know if this plumping thing actually works I will tell you this: I'm not sure. It tingles. I can tell you that. And sometimes I think they do look bigger, but I could just be deluded.

Tuesday, February 26, 2008

what's he got that I don't?

Randy has a crush.
I'm not jealous or anything.

My man has some serious love for Eldrick Tiger Woods.

He won't deny it. He will be the first to admit that he has a hard core man crush on Tiger. I mean I can see why and all. Tiger is a pretty impressive guy. I think he'd go gay for Tiger, and he might not have to think about it long either. I'd leave me too. Look what Tiger has to offer:

Tiger golfs everyday.
Tiger is intelligent and college educated.
Tiger has his own clothing line.
Tiger has a gleaming white smile and fantastic cheek bones.
Tiger has people making up to the minute technological advances in his equipment.
Tiger can walk on to any golf course in the world and play, any day, anytime.
Tiger has a yacht.
Tiger has endorsements from Nike, Buick, Gillette and Gatorade.
Tiger has his foundation and also gives back to the community,
I'm pretty sure Tiger's house is bigger then my high school.
Tiger works out twice a day and has rock hard abs.
Tiger can do any shot Randy has ever dreamed of and could teach him.
Tiger hangs out with all the cool kids; Michael Jordan, Roger Fedderer, and Annika Sorrenstam, not to mention countless other PGA tour players.
Tiger has a blonde Swedish model wife who has a TWIN SISTER.
Tiger has a super cool name like Tiger.
And my personal fav:
Tiger just made another 1.35 million last weekend.
Now how's a girl suppose to compete with that??? All I have going for me is boobs. Its a good thing we live here in Utah and he's stuck stalking Mike Weir instead. I think I can take Weirsy.

How about you guys? Got a man or girl crush on someone you really admire?

Monday, February 25, 2008

my body is rebelling against me

My nose is my enemy.

Well that's not exactly fair or true. In all honesty my nose is just a victim in all of this. Its actually my sinuses that are my enemy.

This week marks the nine week anniversary of an antagonistic relationship I have with a virulent sinus infection that is trying to ruin my life. Now before you start to nag on me, I DID go to the doctor. A hundred and forty dollars later I had some antibiotics, a bottle of strong decongestants, and hope.

Now almost a month later all of these things are gone.

I have come to grips with the fact that I am never going to get well. I am going to have to live with green stinky never-ending snot for all eternity. I will have sinus pressure till I am old and gray. All my money will go to three things: Kleenex, toilet paper, and paper towels. If any other paper products were suitable for me to make a pocket of man-made rubber cement I would simply add those to my list. I will never be able to properly smell or taste. I will be forever addicted to the crack of decongestants or what they deceptively market as Afrin. Randy is gonna have to get a new room because I will from now on snore like a Mac truck. I'll have to start wearing a fanny pack in which to carry my always-present roll of toilet paper. I'm going to continue to think of Kleenex as the 'Paper of Existence'. My life is OVER.

On the upside my nose is now paper towel resistant. I could wipe it with sand paper and my nose would laugh in the face of it's futile attempt to start something. I appreciate breathing a lot more now. And maybe , just maybe, since I haven't been to gym since this started on account it gets hard to do cardio while breathing slime, the lack of sense of smell will get me to eat less.

Yeah... I didn't think so either.

Sunday, February 24, 2008

Me and Ma Nature are gonna have some words

I'm done with this whole winter thing.

I mean its not unusual for me to be done with winter pretty much right when it starts but I'm REALLY done with it. This winter has been particularly... well, snowy. And cold. Did I mention cold? The trip in January to 90 degree Mexico certainly didn't help. This really has been a stinker of a year. Some people like winter. I don't. I don't even know why I live here. To all of those who just love these winter months, here is my top ten list of why I hate it so much:
  1. Having to scrape your windows and warm up your car.
  2. Driving with people who respect the snow too little. Or too much.
  3. Colds. Its a scientific fact that cold weather contributes to you getting sick.
  4. No sun. I need me some Vitamin D!
  5. It gets dark too early. Our bodys think that means we need to go into slug mode.
  6. The pastiness. I hate being white.
  7. Shoveling the walk. My back is messed up enough.
  8. Oh the OH SO MANY potholes created by the OH SO MANY snow plows.
  9. My poor car is continously dirty.
  10. And lastly.. ITS COLD. I don't like smuggling raisins.

To be fair there are a few redeaming factors. A very few.

  1. Hot chocolate,
  2. I do rock cute sweaters
  3. Nope... I can't even think of three.

Are any of you winter lovers? Are you guys sick of this weather yet? Let me know how you're feeling.

Friday, February 22, 2008

If I had a time machine I'd go back and smack myself


That really is what you think it is.

Good ole Small Wonder. Its a small wonder I still have enough brain cells to function after watching this as a child. I used to watch this early Saturday evenings right before dinner. Even as a child I had some knowledge of how stupid this show was, but that never stops a kid. If that were true there would never be that instance of that little neighbor kid showing up on your front steps with no pants on. After memories of this flooded back it made me remember some other real stinkers I used to watch. Let me know if this lights a spark for you better left unlit:

Mr. Belvedere: Sitcom about a British butler that used to serve Queen Elizebeth and for some reason now works for an American family. Highlights: That rascal Wesley.

Charles in Charge: My favorite 'not gonna happen in real life' premis. Young college age guy watches over two teenage girls and a young boy. Highlights: Charles' dorky friend Buddy.

Pee Wee's Playhouse: Saturday morning show featuring, who else? Pee Wee Herman and a strange cast of friends including a dinosaur, a chair and a TV. Highlights: Word of the Day, Penny clayamation skits, and the Giant Underwear segments.

Blossom: Sitcom about a teen girl, her single dad and dumb but cute brother. I still pull the Joey Lawrence "Whoa" out every once in a while just for kicks and giggles. Highlights: Counting how many different hats Six wore.

ALF: Sitcom about a wiseguy alien that crashes his spaceship into a suburban family's garage. How did this stay on air for four seasons??? Highlights: Watching Alf try to eat Lucky, the family cat.

Who's the Boss: An Itallian stallion gets a job as a housekeeper and he and his daughter move in with his business woman boss. Sexual tension ensues. Highlights:Tony Danza's incessant oh ohohhh's and watching Jonathan grow into a nice young gay man.

Saved by the Bell: Saturday morning show about a group of friends going to school together. The acting is so bad it hurts my eyes. Because I start to claw them out. Highlights: Mario Lopez's dimples.

Boy Meets World: Sitcom about a boy played by one of those Savage kids, his older brother and friend. Later on when it started to get unfunny it was about his relationship with his grilfriend. Highlights: Just knowing that somewhere there is a girl named Topanga.

Punky Brewster: Sitcom about a poor, fashion challenged, little orphan and the old guy that really wants to adopt her and can't. Tear jerking isn't it? Highlight: The sweet treehouse and "I must I must I must increase my bust" --Cherry

Some others were Step by Step, Just the Ten of Us, Family Matters, Sabrina the Teenage Witch, the Hogan Family, My Two Dads, Full House, Zubilee Zoo, and Dinosaurs. The last really does deserve a note. It was a primetime sitcom with people dressed up as a dinosaur family. The baby dinosaur continuously hit the father with a frying pan while screaming "Not the mommy!". Did I mention it was people dressed up as DINOSAURS?

It amazes me what sometimes passed as entertainment in my formative years. Are there any favorites of yours I missed? Or was one of these particular endearing to you? Lets hear it.

Thursday, February 21, 2008

the text message brings me peace

Suzi has a point
I'm a bit of a text floozy.
I text all the time.
I text at work.
I text at home.
I text in bed, while eating, and sometimes even driving.

I text way more then actually talk on my phone.
I can actually take the credit for making some of my good friends and family add texting plans to their cell phone contracts.
Finally they just gave into the peer pressure.
OR... they just got sick of paying for all my slightly nerdy messages.
Funny thing is the ones without texting plans are usually the ones I lose touch with.

I just think that a lot of the time texting allows you to say what you need to say and move on.
No more inane pleasantries you don't need nor want to hear.
And some times I just think that certain things are just way funnier in word form.
If I didn't believe this I wouldn't blog.
Besides... to text one must think before they say something stupid.
I think we'd all be a lot better off if we had to think before we said things.

With texting you can tell a friend good morning when you don't have time to chat.
With texting there is no more nerdy sounding voice mail. How I hate to leave those.
With texting there is no more worrying that maybe they are in a movie or not up yet.
With texting you can answer when you have a minute. No missed calls.

I've decided those who hate texts don't actually hate texts. They either hate the charges or they can't figure out how to use predicative text and have a deep seated inner loathing about their own short comings. Its ok. You can learn. There IS hope.

Wednesday, February 20, 2008

The great blog off of 2008

Today I had lunch with my lovely friend Ber. I told her that I had decided that my goal was to out blog her. She has had a blog for a long time now but the goal wasn't too weighty cause there's times when Ber has a big lapse of time between posts. As a New Year's resolution she decided to blog more often. I basically started counting from the cruise and forward so at the moment we are neck and neck. I figured what better way to keep us both motivated about updating often and keep our friends checking back to see what's new? Besides... as the rest of her family can attest, her clan is VERY competitive and she's not going to let me just run away with it. Unfortunately I just don't know what she's got up her sleeve. She's sly she is.

For you its basically a promise of blog posts to read at a pretty regular interval. That's not to say that with them coming as often as they do they won't be a bunch of boring drivel but we all know its about quantity, NOT quality. If that wasn't the case I would cease to eat at Taco Bell.

AND... as a side note--I got to tell you this in a sneaky way to up her one more post. Go me. I'll bet she'll never think of this!! I'm gonna go tell her I'm in the lead riiiiight now. Heh.

Tuesday, February 19, 2008

Who doesn't love soggy canned spaghetti?

So The other day my mom offers me a sweet roll, saying "Want a sweet roll? They have raisins in them".
To this question I respond with a smattering of my best 'I've Been Hanging Out With Teenagers Lately' disdain.

"Moooom, I HATE raisins."

Raisins are retired. They live in assisted living homes with prunes. They like to crochet. They are little wrinkled old rotten fruits that once used to be succulent plump grapes before they tanned to much.
My mom looked at me puzzled for a moment and did the usual mom comeback, "You hate EVERYTHING. You used to like raisins when you were little. What happened?"

Which got me thinking, what DID happen? Its amazing the things that you like when your're a kid that you can't stomach as an adult or vice cersa for that matter. Not only that, its amazing the things you liked as a kid that you STILL like even though everything that is holy and right cries out against it.

Lets start first with something thats going to be on counter after counter in every grocery store and mini mart in the next couple weeks. The people who make them call them the Cadbury Egg.

I call them foul.

As a child this was the most anticipated candy of the Easter season. Luckily my mother recognized the wrongness of a candy cream egg yoke and only ever got us but one or two. I always tried to break them like the commercial of the clucking bunny, cleanly, like a real egg. Usually I ended up breaking a hole in it and lapping the sugary goo out like a thieving coyote. As an adult these give me the creeps. My friends have teased me saying that as far as sweet things go I like things to be a bit on the bland side. So, knowing that you can see why I find it just so revolting.

You know, while we're at it lets just throw in pixie sticks and fun dip in there too. It gives me chills.

Another lovely confection that makes me shudder now is a sugary cream filled, disturbingly moist, yellow spongecake. They call it a Twinkie. I think that should tip you off right there. Hostess had to MAKE up a name for it cause there was no term for this preservative laden squishy little crack loaf. When I was a kid I thought these were pretty tasty, specially the gooey bottom. I have no idea what I was thinking. My dad still loves these. We joke that when he dies his body will never decompose. He'll probably be cream filled though.

As for things I loved as a kid and now still, albeit horrifing, enjoy, I have but two words for you:

Chef Boyardee.

Eww right? Yeah in theory I'm right there with you. Soggy pasta?? If I were making Fettucini Alfredo and I accidentally cooked my pasta over al dente I'd toss it in a second. But if you take some soggy SOOGY ravioli stuffed with mystery paté and can it, well, I'm all over it. I don't know why it is, but it just IS. Its something I loved as a kid and even though I hate to admit it, I still like it. Even if it does strangely forever stain your tupperwear like a crime scene.

Speaking of strange pasta my mom used to make a weird tomato paste concoction that my sister and I STILL love til this day. As an explanation let me say this: we were a military family for a long time and there were long periods where my mom was alone with us and had to save money. Basically SOS eventually became a family meal because of this, but I'm not even going to start with that stuff. First my mom would make a rue with butter and flour. then she would add tomato paste and sugar. We would eat this over macoroni with hot dogs. Doesn't that sound revolting? I agree. But its good.
I also still eat way more ramen then is good for me. Then again good for me would be zero. As a kid this was my favorite lunch. I would have eaten it for breakfast if given the chance. However, then unlike now, I used to cut hotdogs in it. I think I got this strange concoction from my Dad. While not completely opposed, I'm just basically too lazy to go to that much work and also the fact that unlike my mom, hot dogs are not a staple in my refridgerator. I think this is proof that as humans some of us are still evolving.

Whats something that you loved as a kid that YOU can't stand now? Or is there a deep dark culinary secret that you're hiding? Diana... you gotta leave a comment about that pickle. Thats the weirdest thing I've ever heard. Come on guys.. leave a comment and make me feel better!!

Wednesday, February 13, 2008

Because everyone deserves something nice for Valentine's...

Yesterday while waiting for my email to load (which takes an infernally long time for some reason) I saw an article on my homepage about what men want for Valentine's Day. Well I had some time to pass so I thought, "Why not?". While it totally left out anything having to do with razors, remotes, sports, and flat screen TV's which I totally expected to see in the whole stereo-typical 'Boy Gift List', it still had a few things that made me roll my eyes... or at least give them the eyebrow. It was written by a man. Maybe I had expected too much.

The first thing that I can maybe get behind cause it could be fun for both of you was starting some email or text flirting/foreplay in the morning and carrying it throughout the day. He mentioned sending a sexy email telling your guy what you love about him. Ok. I can see this. Every body likes to hear what their partner finds attractive about them. Just don't say something like, "Your back fat. Its sooo sexy!" cause even if you strangely do like it they may not. Then they just think you're with them cause you like back fat which is never good.

The next one said that while men loved to be thanked and given gifts on Valentines too its basically a holiday for women and he probably has the whole show planned out so don't try to undermine his plans. Save it for two weeks later and do something for him then. Now this might be the case for the guy who wrote it, but at my house we have learned something. Randy doesn't plan anything. His ideas for plans are asking me, "What do you want to do tomorrow?". And this isn't just with holidays in general, its his whole life. The man doesn't plan. It was left out of his DNA. If he does make a plan for a couple days in advance it usually centers around a little white ball and sticks they call clubs. I think that I have been the ring leader of any big plans we have had on any holiday ever. Usually for us Valentine's means a nice candle lit dinner at home because theres no reason to waste time waiting three hours in line at a restaurant when we can go anytime. Now I'm not knocking Randy's thoughtfulness. Randy is pretty much thoughtful and generous everyday, I'm certainly not going to get after him about his last minute run to Walmart. Or the strangely shaped bolster that he came in and handed me in years past. We call it the Monkey Cow. Thats all I will say about this.

Next the article said that a great gift idea for him was to buy YOU some lingerie and wrap it up for him and then put a note with it that says something like,"I'll be wearing this to dinner". On every list I've seen out there for what NOT to get WOMEN right up there near the top is "Lingerie". But I guess now in the new modern days we let the women pick out their own underwear. Not a bad idea. A woman is definitely going to get something that FITS. And you can bet your first born she's not going to get something she doesn't look good in. Now while this may mean it might not be what the man thinks is the super-sexiest-thing-ever, you can rest assured youre more likely to have a better night with a woman who is not inhibited or embarrassed by the leather dominatrix outfit you bought her. So letting a woman pick out her own sexy outfit aside, isn't this about as original as a box of chocolates and a rose? And I bet there's more then one woman out there that balks at the thought of spending all that money on something that will be worn for thirty seconds and most likely never again.
The last one was... are you ready for this one? A steak. It said that men like red meat. You should be willing to go somewhere he can have some. And as a lovely side note he mentioned that red meat boosts testosterone. Swell. and here all this time I thought Randy wanted a flat screen TV. What he really wanted was to make all the plans, for me to buy MYSELF underwear, to have some beef, and for me to take HIM out to dinner two weeks later. What a fool I've been!!

After rolling my eyes and finally looking at my newly loaded mail I saw another Valentines gift idea that made me laugh.
Yep. Nippies. Patch of FREEDOM. They advertise these as something you can wear so you can feel comfortable wearing a sheer top or any other revealing clothes. I guess in case you have a whoops you can be okay knowing that you have a heart patch over your nipples and your exposure will be oh so stylish. They also noted that they are fun and flirty for the bedroom and are water proof.
Yeah that would be cool on Valentine's Day. Covering up a major arogenous zone with something that would hurt ten times more then a band-aid to pull off. Oooo-weeee. Sign me up!!
After that I decided to look around for some other really good gift efforts. Here's a few of my favorites:

Thats right ladies, now when you get up at 5 in the morning to make your man a nice hearty breakfast before he hurries into the office you can give him a special surprise. On his toast.

I couldn't help myself... have you ever seen anything MORE rediculous. Thats what my underwear looks like after four years. And those are free. Usually I throw them away at that point. I know what youre thinking , oh no, not before that. But now I know better,

Oh yeah. American Gladiator E-cards. Best. Thing. Ever. Di this one is for you.

Why shouldn't a man buy himself underwear and give it to you? Thats what I thought. And here we go!!

And last but not least... for all of those celebrating Single Awareness Day. We have a gift for you too!!
I hope you all have a Happy Valentine's Day!! What do you want for Valentine's?

Wednesday, February 6, 2008

I wish the real world would stop hasseling me.

I have recently returned from my first vacation in two years. My boy Randy, my two very good friends Ber and Di, and myself drove to San Diego and from there went on a cruise to the Mexican Riviera. It was an adventure, and though sometimes complicated trying to please everyone, for me in particular it was the best of both worlds. Randy got to golf and see Tiger play at the Buick Invitational. I got to explore beaches in La Jolla, go to Sea World, and sun bathe at a resort in Ixtapa with the ladies. Perfection. We had three stops on the cruise: Acapulco, Zihuatenejo/Ixtapa, and Manzinillo (Chanel--you were so right, Ixtapa is where its AT).

Heres the highlights:

  • Returning to San Diego, an emerald green, beautiful, friendly, coastal city that I adore.

  • Rolling down the windows in January

  • Spending time with my good friends that in the daily hustle and bustle I don't get to see as much as I like.

  • I finally got to touch a dolphin. And yeah.. okay, they sorta do feels like a wet hot dog.

  • Having someone to wait on me, clean up after me, and basically taking care of every whim.

  • Consuming more guacamole, chocolate melting cake, shrimp, mango strawberry angel food cake trifle, and carbonated beverages then ever before recorded.

  • Enjoying four different beautiful beaches.

  • Hairy chest contests

  • Good natured mockery of kareoke singing Canadians

  • Watchhng Di give Mexican booth owners the wagging finger while proclaiming "I don't want no pesos!

  • BubuLubu

  • Going down more waterslides then I have since the days of Classic Skating

  • The term "all inclusive"

  • Hearing about multiple snow storms in Utah while enjoying sunny 90 degree weather.

  • The sweet tan I have now and the fact that I have escaped almost completely burn and peel free.

  • Towell animals. They make me happy.

  • Returning to Ocean Park Inn on the boardwalk. My favorite place to stay.

  • World Famous Restaurant's lobster bisque ::drools::

The Lowlights (or what I like to call "things that make for better stories")

  • Watching Ber sleep almost the entire way to California while Di and I tossed and turned ALL night.

  • The decor of our first Hotel in Cardiff by the Sea looked like Queen Victoria' s stuffy Aunt Mildred's country estate.

  • How you feel after consuming more guacamole, chocolate melting cake, shrimp, trifle and carbonated beverages then ever recorded.

  • Mild heat stroke from the 90 degree weather

  • Being forced to pay little boys for shoddy merchandise.

  • The initial fear of imminent death the first time snorkeling

  • Getting smacked in the face by Di's non-conformist paddling tecnique.

  • Eating at least one wave at three of those four beautiful beaches

  • Bathrooms with no toilet paper... oh and no running water either, Did I forget that?

  • Hairy chest contests

  • Surprise surprise but when you disenbark from San Diego in January its not warm on the deck till the second day at sea. who knew?

  • Having sand... everywhere.

  • Being sea sick. Anyone who says you can't feel the boat move LIES.

  • Watching Ber smother her daily cheese and ham omelet with maple syrup.

  • Lobster bisque does not come with free refills.
  • Dolphins are whores. You must pay for their affection.
  • Cult owned 7-11's with no bathrooms
  • My head has started to peel. I now look like I have chronic dandruff. Great, I did say I almost escaped.
  • Have become slug.

It was so fun. I can't wait to get out of here again already!!

For another take on it check out my friend Bers blog here.