Thursday, December 10, 2009

Strange new happenings

The cell phone has a strange power over people.
Its almost as if the cell phone is an actual present human being that gives a person a sense of being with others, like a pack mate. Much like the changes that occur when you have the the shy, quiet, lone teen and then you let them loose with other teens and they then become obnoxious, rude, hooligan types with no manners, the same thing happens with the average adult when they become attached to their cell phone in a public place. They go from a right-thinking individual to a tactless, thoughtless, blob of, "What? Did I do something wrong?".
Now perhaps you, the reader do some of the following things. I'm not coming at you. Perhaps you don't even realize the effect your behavior has on those around you because you are so engrossed with your conversation. That's why I'm here. To enlighten you to how big of a jerk everyone else is thinking you are. See, I've got your back like that.
  • The Obnoxiously Loud Conversation: For some reason people on the cell phone in public places think we want to hear their side of their conversations. They talk so loud you can hear them several yards away. Lady, I don't care that your sisters husband ruined the family reunion. And seriously, think about it. Do you want a dozen other strangers to know about your dysfunctional relationships? Blue tooth has added a funny element to this particular issue. Not only do all of us around you think that you're annoying, but for the first minute or two we think you're just plain crazy as well. I am so mentally mocking the lady that is 'outside voicing' to the heavens and gesturing as she pushes her cart down the grocery aisle. Then I go home and publicly mock them on my blog. Don't let this happen to you folks. And since we're on the subject of blue tooth ANYWAY...
  • The Individual That Wears Their Blue Tooth To Social Gatherings: Just don't. Okay? Basically you're telling everyone around you that they're not important enough for you to miss a call. As a matter of fact, how about we just say if you're not driving or doing something with your hands---you just look like a jerk. Next...
  • The Guy Whose Time Is Much More Important Then Your Own: People who stand in check out lanes, post office lines, in front of bank tellers etc and talk on the phone having no regard for the person across from them or the people behind them in line. How about this? How about you show some respect for your fellow human beings? Its called having manners. How would you feel if the bank teller was on a personal call while she counted your money? How about offering the same level of respect to these people that are trying to do their jobs? Difficult to remember that they aren't just animatronic wax figures sent to do your bidding I know, but TRY. Often the animatrons are much nicer that way. Or so I've heard.
  • And lastly the strangest phenomenon of all, The Person Who Has Nothing To Hide! (But Who We All Wish Did): This is the individual who I have seen lately that not only carries on The Obnoxiously Loud Conversation, but also has their phone on speaker so we can hear the OTHER side of the conversation TOO!!! Lucky us. Seriously? No wait, I mean SERIOUSLY?
So there you go guys. See how I look out for you like that?? Keep you from projecting yourself as the future crazy neighborhood cat lady? See, I care.

Saturday, October 3, 2009

Recent conversation between me and my mother

Me: Ugh. I hate cramps!! I wish if you didn't use your uterus it would just dry up and go away!
Mom: Me too. I think God made a big mistake.
Me: I'M not saying he made a big mistake. I'd probably grow a third ovary. That would be crap.

Friday, September 4, 2009

The dangers of taking photographs professionally...

Yesterday I went out on a shoot. I had my trusty assistant (not real sure on the trusty part, but we'll roll with it) and my semi-willing model. The sun was popping out after a less then stellar looking overcast day. I was ready to rock.

One thing that is fun but challenging for the natural light portrait photographer is scouting out new and fun locations that not everyone's sister-in-law, visiting teacher, old roommate, dog groomer etc is already using. Its pretty tough nowadays to try and grab a little uniqueness for yourself when everyone seems to have gone into photography lately. We're all looking for the same things. So its nice if you can find a little-used location or put a unique twist on a used one.

Yesterday we went out to try a new one for us.

We got permission from the property owner (always a good idea) and started to trek, with all our gear (and baby Cam who came along for the fun) to a lovely field of huge sunflowers. I took the lead. As usual I was in flip flops and as is normal I was cursing myself a "Geniuspants" for not wearing footwear perhaps more suited to the job at hand. Luckily my mostly-trusty assistant was wearing toeless shoes with a heal so I wasn't the biggest goober in the dork parade.

As we waded through some head high corn I got to a place that was a little muddy and I shouted behind me to my lovely model (my niece Alexis) that her mom was not going to like the next section of trail ahead. Timed to absolute perfection, as I uttered the last word, my food went calf deep into a miniature swamp. I uttered a swear word or two and Alexis giggled behind me. As I struggled to pull my foot out of the hole my other foot started to sink and so I flailed and staggered a bit and yanked my foot out of the quick sand---sans flip flop. This is where I then hopped awkwardly looking for a place to put down my bare foot that didn't include thistles. I ended up handing all my gear to Alex as I had to crouch over the "mud hole to China" and stick my arm in to the elbow in order to retrieve my shoe. It wouldn't budge. I finally had to balance myself and yank with all my might. My flip flop emerged covered in dripping mud and accompanied by the sound of a rumbling wet fart. It was... fantastic.

Trekked BACK to cars to get wet wipes and water to TRY and clean my swamp thing arm and then started out again. When we finally got there it was not at all like what I imagined and for awhile there I was disappointed that everything we'd planned was going to come to naught AND I got wet and muddy for no reason at all. Luckily we tried some different stuff and still ended up leaving with some good shots and at the very least an entertaining story.

Besides... if you looked at the picture, I wasn't the only one with a less then dazzling moment. Thanks for making me feel better Alexis!

Friday, August 28, 2009

Favorite thing of the week is...

Seems like the only thing on TV anymore is ridiculous reality shows filled with fame whores that are just pimping out their lives for the sake of their five minutes or the 18th version of CSI (which I love to dis on--moody dark labs, street clothes and that strangely the officers do not only do the crime scene investigating, but all the lab work, all the detective work AND go out and arrest the perps too. Talk about multi-taskers!! Blah).

Then I caught Glee when they ran the pilot this last spring on Fox. It was original, it was fun, and it was a little irreverent. It was like high school musical meets Mean Girls or something. The characters are great and you immediately like them. They mixed in classic and contemporary songs and the actors are really doing the singing. They have a great version or Journey's "Don't Stop Believing" that you can hear on Itunes OR you can check the pilot out on the Fox website or at Hulu. I'd highly recommend it if you love music, or rooting for the underdog, or are sick of shows about rich snotty trust fund baby types. If your interest is peaked but you're not sold, check out this little trailer:

If by chance you have seen the pilot, or if you enjoyed the trailer, you can watch this clip from one of the shows this fall where the Glee kids have a interesting dance routine to go with their questionable song choice at a school assembly to the horror of some of the faculty and students. It doesn't take itself too seriously. Please make special note of the fanny pack. I bout died.

Anyone who watches the pilot gets a gold star!! Let me know what you thought. The new season starts September 9th.

PS... for those Ipod types they have two free clips on Itunes now. One of the talented Rachel Lea singing "On My Own" from Les Mis and the other is the cast doing a rendition of Kanye West's "Gold Digger". Too fun.

Thursday, August 27, 2009

Just looking out for the fatties out there

So guys, in my extensive time on this planet I have accumulated a vast array of knowledge about certain things, and more importantly, life in general. In a recent conversation with a friend I realized that I had yet to impart a very important life lesson to the readers of my blog (I know I have them, the site meter says so. They just NEVER comment because they know my self worth is not measured by such petty little things... where's my Paxil?). SO.. I have decided to go ahead and tell you about what I like to call, "The Python Effect".

This particular lesson has to do with buying clothes. Never ever ever buy pants to big for you. The reason I say this is easily illustrated by our reptile friend the Python. Pythons are large snakes that kill prey by constriction. Many people keep them as pets. An interesting thing to note is that the Python will in general only grow large enough for its enclosure. The bigger the enclosure the bigger the snake will in general grow.

The Python Effect lies in this. Not only will a snake grow to fit its enclosure, but so will a butt. That's it. Simple really. If your pants are loose your butt will instinctively grow to fit them. Do not wear clothes too big for you! Don't ask me how I know such things. It should be apparent.

Take this important lesson and apply it to your life. If I can help just one person avoid the pitfalls of sweat pants I will have done my job.

Monday, August 24, 2009

Hanging with the cool kids---if you like rocks n'stuff

Back again by popular demand....

A couple weekends ago Randy and my sister (along with Baby Cam) went up and stayed in the time share in Park City to enjoy the Kimball Art's Festival

It was nice to get away even if it was only for a couple days.

We saw some of our favorites from last year back again:

We all covet the pieces from Anthony Hansen who makes fantastic metal hearts and other things from scrap from old cars. Really spectacular in person.

My sister found her favorite car painting again and I'm sure imagined a house she could put it in where it wouldn't take up the whole wall.

I had a scary Mom moment where I found myself really admiring some pots.

Randy hung out with Cameron and garnered looks of distrust from passersby. Apparently he doesn't look very responsible. Some woman actually asked him if he should have such a cute baby in his care. Bwa ha ha.

My sister found what she called "the best looking piece of art there" in a booth eating a creamy. We tried to get a picture of him but it was like he knew our secret motives and stared right at us almost the whole time. I began to be aware of a strange sense of... awkwardness. We ran away feeling horrified that we were so transparent. I think Lore blushed.

Randy just though we were morons.

We went back to looking at the non-embarrassing type art.

Cam lived up to his moniker "Spitty Cent". He was just chillin', hanging out and rolling on sixes.

Began to realize that we don't fit in with the Park City crowd. Have deemed that there are six things necessary to come off looking like a local. The following in no specific order:

A Dog. Must walk dog everywhere. If there is social gathering must bring dog. If going hiking must bring dog. If going grocery shopping must bring dog. Leave dog in car.

The Car. Must own a Suburu Outback or at the very least a Forrester. All wheel drive is where its at. Lots of room for dog. (We counted 34 Suburu Outbacks from Kimball Junction to the time share. Granted busy weekend... but seriously?)

Indian Jewelry: Apparently we didn't get the memo that southwest jewelry never goes out of style with the granola crowd, despite the fact that you can't give it away anywhere else.

The Fanny Pack: Being hands free is very important while your walking your dog or skinning a yeti.

Must find yeti coats attractive. Self explanatory. Sometimes when going out on the town polar fleece is just not appropriate.

Hopefully these tips can help you feel more at home on your next visit to lovely Park City. No no, don't thank me. Its my pleasure.

Friday, August 21, 2009

Favorite thing of the week--or ever really

I know. I'm a week late. I suck its true. BUT... I've learned to not be too hard on myself. Besides I did blog in between so I don't feel as guilty for not completing the goal I set for myself right out of the gate. Yes I know, such a tragedy. Disgraceful really. Now that I have properly and publicly berated myself, let us move forward.

This guy right here is my favorite thing of the week. Well of last week really. OK, always. But last week he was really as patient as can be asked of anyone. On my shoot last week he put up with the, "No... nevermind. Over here is better" and the "You need to be over here to catch that light" and the "Oh crap, my card is full and the other one is in the car". Lore couldn't make it that night and Randy did his best to be not only my assistant but my creative consultant. My favorite thing is that he never once got huffy when I said something he suggested wouldn't work out and he dragged Fez in and out of the car, over walls, through sand and rocks. AND he was a joy the entire time. So a special thanks to my guy. Handy AND nice to look at. What more could a girl ask for?

Thanks Baby!

Tuesday, August 18, 2009

Happy Birthday Kim!

I just thought I would post a couple pictures from Kim's 40th shindig this weekend. Girl knows how to throw a party yo. The theme was "Fairytopia" and it was a blast seeing many a grown woman dancing around dressed as a fairy. Thank heaven for people who don't think growing older means always getting OLD. Randy and I had a fabulous time. Thank you for inviting us Kim and Pete!

Sunday, August 9, 2009


So today while driving to the grocery store I saw an orthodontic clinic called "The Smile Ranch".

Hear that Boyd? Good news. The "Tooth Barn" is still available!

Phew, dodged THAT bullet.

Friday, August 7, 2009

Favorite Thing of the Week

I have decided that maybe in order to get myself back on the good old blog wagon that I should give myself a goal of at least one post a week. Since this sounds easy but is actually HARD when you don't just want to post boring drivel that no one else enjoys reading (which may still be the case, but hey--at least I TRY) I have given myself a topic:

Favorite thing of the week. It might refer to a song, maybe a household item, perhaps a news story, just something that made ME smile that week for whatever reason. So without further ado... THIS is my favorite thing of the week.

Dryers Limited Edition Hot Cocoa Ice Cream. Super good. Its like Rocky Road, but without the yucky nuts. The marshmellows are like the real thing and they are quite abundant. I have PMS, so basically it was a given that my fav thing would be chocolate and or dessert this week. Probably a little lack luster for the first one ever but hey, when everything else is pissing you off you you gotta be down with what makes you happy.

Thursday, August 6, 2009

An emotional plea...

Dear Ornery Old Man in the Fast Lane,

Why? Why do you insist on driving 69 miles per hour in the fast lane and refuse to move back into the middle lane when you aren't going fast enough to pass traffic? Why? Do you feel it is your own personal duty to keep others under the posted speed limit? Do you feel perhaps that the passing lane system is flawed and thus seek to destroy it single handedly? Do you perchance enjoy the power to make other motorists furious, or late, or poop their pants? Does the sight of an empty highway stretching on for miles in front of you as you block the flow of traffic by keeping neck and neck with an panel delivery truck bring you back to your glory days? And why if you will not let others use the lane for its intended purpose do you speed up as others try to pass you on the right? And WHY in the name of all that is HOLY do you not move to the carpool lane since you're with your crotchety old lady ANYWAY???? There you can do all that you are doing and I will not only support it, I will applaud your actions (my next letter is Dear Guy In The Carpool Lane That Moves Into The Fast Lane To Let Others Pass--for some strange unfortold reason). So why old man? Why?

Sir, I implore you. Please, please, PLEASE remove that big old chip of "That Doesn't Apply to Me" from your backside and move into the middle lane where you belong unless you actually need to pass and become a respectable member of society.


Tuesday, August 4, 2009

Summer recap or otherwise titled: What I Have Been Doing While My Blog Grows Mold

I’m very busy and important.

Didn’t you know?

While I have been quite busy with work and Shameless Photography, I have also been lazy and procrastinating too. There is just too much fun stuff going on in the summer. So when you consider all of those things you can possibly see why the ole blog is looking a bit dusty. Don’t worry… because of my lack of posts I will now do a very long and ridiculous post that will make your eyes burn from the strain. It will be that long and filled with that many visual goodies! You may have to take intermission half way through as to not suffer permanent damage. Don’t worry, I will let you know when is a good time to do this. I’m caring and understanding that way. Take a deep breath and away we go.

In June I had the lovely wedding of Miranda and Colby. The whole thing went beautifully and it was the type of setting that makes any photographers index finger twitch. So a special thanks to them for letting me be a part of their big day. My sister even got past the “nervous pooping” and came off looking like she does Thanksgiving Point weddings all the time. Ain’t no thing.

After the wedding I decided to just make my job easier and take the plunge. Yes the picture to the side is me making out with my new Canon 5D Mark II. Don’t look at me like that. You don’t understand. I NEED it. You know, if I actually stopped spending all my profit on more equipment I might actually be able to have extra money for stuff. Hmmm… nope that’s not gonna happen. I want way too much stuff!!

In the meantime, me and my 5D are having a torrid affair. Can I just tell you how much I love being able to take everyday snapshots indoors with no flash (ISO 6400 with a f2.8 lens. Woot! it’s a dream. See below.) Everyday is a honeymoon. And for those who are wondering, no it doesn’t kill me to carry this rig around. I barely notice. I already have built in arm muscles from the day job which is lucky or Lore’s illustrious title would grow to become Group Organizer/2nd Wedding Photographer/Camera holder/Lighting Girl Extraordinaire. Try saying that fast. Plus she thinks she already deserves 30% of my profit. Imagine what she’d want if I started her having her hold my camera too. Apparently I better start to charge more.

Ugh… assistants. Can’t live with ‘em. Can’t hold a reflector and shoot at the same time. (Sissy!! You know I love you!)

Lore’s birthday/family barbecue followed right on the heels of the wedding. As was my sissy’s request I made a HUGE mess of ribs; somewhere in the neighborhood of ten racks. Please note: if you ever decide to make a huge mess of ribs, either have two ovens or have a nice friend/neighbor who will let you mess up hers (Sorry Mel). This is mandatory. Also invite ever-skinny cousin-in-law who will eat two racks by himself. Genetic freak.

Anyway… As I just mentioned my lovely cousin and family were able to come down. Sarah and Boyd don’t hang out with the rest of us nearly enough and it was fun having
them and their kiddies there. We

had tons of good food. Everyone brought something yummy and we all left the table feeling like we’d put on ten pounds---except for Boyd I mean. My cousins got the pleasure of meeting Randy for the first time. Lucky lucky them. After the food, the rest of the kids took their cue from Kyle and all got together and attacked him. I enjoyed that part quite a bit.

When things cleared out a little bit we had a late fight night and Kyle showed us some of his moves to the enjoyment of all. Future cage fighter yo. Well, either that or Jedi Knight, but I’m not really sure if there’s a market for that nowadays or how much it pays, so maybe classes on jujitsu are a better idea then on using “the force“. I’m just saying.

Also in June, Pleasant Grove held their annual Strawberry Days Festival. Lore R
andy and I took Courtney, Brittany and Kyle to their very first carnival. Yes I know, I know! Lore IS a mean mom. The kids had a blast. Courtney thought the Ferris Wheel was the coolest thing ever. She pretty much wanted to go again as soon her feet were planted back on solid ground. Brittany apparently did not. You would have thought it was some sort of unique torture designed specifically for dramatic little girls. Good times.

Kyle on the other hand was absolutely fearless. He wanted to go on anything that little short kid types were allowed on and he didn’t care if anyone went with him or not. Frankly I think the only reason Kyle even wanted any of us around was for more tickets.

Courtney always looks forward to Strawberry Days because they sell her favorite summer treat: strawberries and cream. We took a break in between some rides and all got some. She was like a homeless dog with a milk bone. She retreated to her own space and scarfed down her treat in silence only allowing time to breath in between bites if especially necessary. No she did not lick the cup. She DID however stick her fingers in and wipe the sides.

In the meantime, while eating their goodies, Kyle and Randy had a very stimulating and intellectual conversation. I believe Randy may have been asking him if he was having fun or the like and I think perhaps Kyle responded by saying something like, “Give me all your money punk, I need more tickets”.

I could be wrong on that last part. Its been awhile.

Baby Cameron AKA Barf Vader/Spitty Cent basically hung out, looked cute and puked on hisself. But that’s a normal weeknight for him.

We stayed until the carnival was closing up and hopefully till Kyle was a little wore out. It seems that carnivals are tiring for the older set as well. No they aren’t dead. That’s what Brittany asked also as we stood there trying not to giggle. However, she answered her own question when she noted with a slightly disturbed expression, “I saw the one with its mouth open close it. But then it opened it again”. And yes, she did use the term “it” as if the couple were strange life forms crashed on our planet in their minivan-esque ship.

I apologize to anyone who might happen to know these folks. I’m not trying to make fun of anyone, but they really were the whip cream on the sundae of my evening. I couldn’t help it. I guess we should all just be happy that their people rolled down the windows before they left them alone in the car.
Bwa ha ha.

Okay. Enough of me being mean. Moving ON. (Also… this would be a good time for intermission in case you were wondering.)

On the Fourth of July, Randy and I found ourselves once again hanging with my sister. She didn’t have the younger girls on this holiday and Alexis already had plans so we decided against the usual barbecue and set off on a slightly different holiday strategy. Randy must have been feeling especially obliging on this day. Maybe it was the sunny weather. Maybe. But whatever the case he agreed to go along and get a pedicure with the rest of us. Since he seemed to be in such an agreeable mood I told the lady he wanted his toes painted black. He just shrugged and said sure. And he was watching the cooking channel. And he had the remote. AND he was sober.

Strange day.

My sister for her part spent her time intently watching the other big screen TV. This is because if she let her eyes wander they would be inescapably pulled toward the lady whose feet went through not just one, but two blades to remove what Randy refers to as her “moccasins” which would consistently cause her to gag.
She began to send us picture messages of the pile of dead skin in front of her. I didn’t know whether to shudder or giggle. I did both.

After this fun filled activity we met up with Amber and went out for sushi. Yes I know, Diana already told me that it was completely un-American and that we should be ashamed, but we love it. Tepenyaki was great as usual. After that we did redeem ourselves a little by watching the Pleasant Grove city fireworks. I think they lasted approximately 8 minutes. Eh. We were slightly disappointed. BUT at least we weren’t disappointed AND pissed cause we had sat through the Jonas Brothers to see it.
The very next day I had shoot for a huge family get together. In all honesty, shooting big groups is my idea of special portrait photographer hell. However, the family was a total hoot and made the job a lot of fun. So a special thanks to Michelle for letting Lore and I be a part of their Mom’s party.

In between all of this, my insufferable never-ending sinus infection decided to get even worse if possible, I had a toothache unfortunately not directly related to said infection and I also decided to have a kidney stone. THAT was a fun week.

I have also noticed a disturbing trend called “When I Edit I Must Have Candy”. Considering the amount of editing I do on occasion, this is a very bad thing indeed. The flow of sugar must not be interrupted as it is imperative for the creative processes. Yeah I said it. Yeah its an excuse. Get off me.

A couple of weeks ago we had a fantastic BBQ at my sisters house with our friend
s Sam and Di. We had all manner of good things including tenderloin kabobs, Indonesian chicken satay, peanut sauce, and steamed rice. Randy convinced us that we needed to order the UFC 100 fights we had missed the weekend prior and I am so glad we did. Watching Dan Henderson knock out Bisping was one of the highlights of July. Fight fans, you know what I’m talking about. Awesome.

Pioneer Day my buddy Foodie and I decided to go see the new Harry Potter flick and made a pact to go to a restaurant we had never been to before for lunch. Somehow, mainly due to a lack of time, we found ourselves at a joint called Red Rooster Waffle Company. Now I don’t want to come out and hate on the place cause the proprietor seemed like a very nice fellow but well… it was crap. If you like orange butter that doesn’t melt on a waffle served with mystery chicken pieces in a strange tasting batter, or a waffle with Readi Whip and Hershies chocolate sauce on it passed off as a seven dollar dessert then stay home---you can make this stuff cheaper on your own. However, if this culinary delight does sound like something you want to try, well then I urge you to get out there and do it. And hurry--I don’t think it will be around long.

That weekend I had engagements with lovely couple Justin and Erin. They were hilarious and kept Lore and I laughing the whole time. Great sports. As a bonus, we had been waiting for ages for a shoot with a subject that would be right for the location for quite awhile and were pretty stoked to finally use it. Very cool place. More pictures of them will be on the website this week. Take a minute to check them out if you get the chance

Lastly I went on a hot date with Di. She took me to a movie and I bought her some dessert. She put on make-up and did her hair. I was feeling pretty lucky. It was the second time I had seen Disney Pixar’s UP. I STILL cried twice. “Why do I not have the surprised feeling?“. I couldn’t even blame it on hormonal imbalance this time. I just love Doug, Alpha and the other dogs. Hysterical. Other then Monsters inc, its definitely my---SQUIRREL!!