Fav's of the week

Apparently sitting in the never-ending I15 traffic has afforded me some time to think of not one but THREE fav's of the week. See how lucky I am to have a commute every day?

First off are these:


Surprisingly delicious little fudge covered Ritz crackers. Delightful. Randy and I are already laying ownership and rules to the one box we picked up. He has declared I am not allowed to take them to work and/or to share them with friends. My only rule is that he cannot cry when I eat them all--fair and square--at home. While sitting on the couch. Watching Glee.

My second fav or the week is the show Tosh.0 on Comedy Central. If you have never seen Tosh.0, the premise is simple: Comedian Daniel Tosh basically hashes out viral videos and other funny clips from the internet. Think of it as Talk Soup for the next generation. The humor is a little blue and I find the whole thing hysterical. Perhaps this is because I grew up with a mother who thinks farts are the funniest thing on the planet. Whatever the case, it's slightly crude, a little dark and fits my sense of humor. Perhaps that is why I seem to get along smashingly with teenage boys. Either that or I smell like beef jerky. Its a mystery.

Tosh.0	Weds 10:30pm / 9:30c
Video Breakdown - Karate Kid vs. Gangsta
www.comedycentral.com
Tosh.0 Videos Daniel Tosh Web Redemption

And lastly... finally being able to post pictures of this adorable little girl. Her name is Paige. Seriously, this baby is a web site traffic GOLD. I should have taken pictures of her in a pile of puppies and my numbers would have been off the charts!!! Her mom is a good friend of mine. I'm considering telling her she could make a lot of money by renting out her baby as traffic bait. Its seriously that amazing. If you want to see the rest... pop on over to www.shamelessphotography.net. And while you are there... you too can ponder the power of Paige--because obviously, it works.

Wistful...

Things have been pretty slow on the ole blog train lately. I know it.

I have found my mind wandering to other things, none of which make for very interesting banter for the blogosphere. For example, how the recent reemergence of the color green has made me have an itchy trigger finger and how I want to scout new locations and shoot fabulous models or how the holy trinity of the Bumpit, the Miracle Bra and the Booty Pop would make me irresistable to all men. You know, stuff like that.

I AM mightily looking forward to a couple things:

The return of Glee on Fox. Horay for another way to waste an hour of my time that I could be using to do important things--like my taxes.

The upcoming Daughtry/Lifehouse concert that I sorta just fell into thanks to Randy, my love.

And some senior shoots that are lined up, because they are my favorites and so much fun.

What are you guys looking forward to? I mean... besides the booty pop.

Favorite Thing of the Week

Oh... and the next sketch ain't bad either!!

Because it amuses me...

An IM conversation between my sister and I:

 

 Lore:  I think my right boob is smaller than my left one, my necklace always bounces over that one when I walk.

 Me:  ...nice,  you probably would walk in a giant circle if left unobstructed.

 Lore:  Well if I just watched my boobs while I walked there is a chance of that, but I try not to

 

 Me:  Well..  um.. keep up the good work.

That's why I love her...

Recent conversation between my sister and I as we wait to go through security in the Miami International Airport:

Me: Ugh. I hate security.

Lore: Hey, can the Amish fly? How's that work?

Me: Huh? Since when? No the Amish don't fly.

Lore: Well what's that guy doing?

Me: What?! What guy?

Lore: That one down there in line.

Me: (laughing) You nerd, that's an Orthodox Jew!

Lore: Ohhhhhhh.... yeah.

Recent conversation between me and my mother

Me: Ugh. I hate cramps!! I wish if you didn't use your uterus it would just dry up and go away!

Mom: Me too. I think God made a big mistake.

Me: I'M not saying he made a big mistake. I'd probably grow a third ovary. That would be crap.

To all my friends who KNOW.

This is for all my peeps (yes I used peeps, and not in a way which would seem like I find it's usage cool) who can relate. The people who deal with the public on a day to day basis and especially those who have toiled in the fiery pit of retail. This goes out to all of you:

An Expensive Temper Tantrum, Part 2

Wireless Phone Retail Store | Nashville, TN, USA

(Back story: I sold a woman four phones on a family plan for her and her 3 teenage daughters. She insisted that she be put on the 500 minute plan (the smallest family plan). I informed her that most teenagers can use 500 minutes in a week and begged her to take a larger plan.

She refused and became quite angry and belligerent with me for suggesting “that her daughters were not responsible adults.” I noted on her account that she was advised of all overage charges and that there were to be no refunds on the account for overage charges. One month later she returns purple faced and on the verge of a stroke with her $3,200 phone bill.)

Customer: “I need these charges taken off.”

Me: “No, I explained the overage scale to you when you activated your phone, and begged you to take a larger plan. You insisted this was the one you needed and I cannot refund any of the charges.”

Customer: “F**k you then, and f**k [cellular provider]. Cancel my account!”

Me: “I’ll be happy to deactivate your phones but unfortunately that does not release you from your contract. There will be a $240.00 charge for each phone on the account for breaking your contract and you will still be responsible for the current charges.”

(The customer suddenly throws her phone at my head. I duck and it smashes into the wall in a million pieces.)

Customer: “F**K [cell phone provider]! F**K YOU, AND F**K ALL OF YOU A**HOLES TOO!”

(Inexplicably, the last part was directed at the other customers waiting patiently for her to finish. She then proceeds to storm out to her car, a brand new Lexus SC 430. She redlines the engine, drops it into gear and hits a lamp post hard enough to shatter every piece of glass in the car as well as almost tearing the front half of the car off.)

Customer: *comes back in the store* “Can I use your phone?”

Another Customer: “Karma’s a b**ch, ain’t it?”

I read this gem and many many others like it on Not Always Right which I discovered through Voice of Reason (link on right) who also posted one of her favorites which was, luckily enough, from Utah. Watch out if you plan to visit Not Always Right as the sheer number of horrific, absurd, and mind numbing customer/associate interaction can prove to be VERY amusing and also a tiny personal time machine as when you next look at the clock four hours will have passed.

Better take a snack.