Hear ye Hear ye!!

To all people of the inter-web!! Please help my poor, homely, working single mother of FIVE, sister win a photography workshop. Yes it is ALL true minus the homely part. She could really use the break and she totally deserves it. All you have to do is click on the link below, and VOTE. Literally takes THIRTY seconds. Her name is LORE BUNKER.

Here

It counts one vote per computer, so vote on your smart-phones, your tablets, your ipads, your work computers!! Every vote counts!! Please help me spread the word!!

Thank you so much!!!

I never knew a new job oppurtunity would present itself in such a graphic manner

I recently had a photo-shoot. It wasn't for a client. It was one that my sister and I had come up with just for some extra fun and to try out some ideas. Basically something to keep us sharp and from gnawing off our own limbs during the slower winter months. Leave it to me to make things harder then necessary.

I decided, not only did I want a cute couple but I wanted a couple cute dogs too!! What's better then living breathing adorable props?? That's right, win win!!

Lets take you back. All is going well. My models are AWESOME. The weather is PERFECT. The dogs are behaving towards each other and all other persons there with great decorum. After we had wrapped up some shots of just, you know, the people, we decided to see if we could get a couple with just the dogs. I had a lovable 6 year old schnauzer named Trevor owned by my bff Kristen and then an energetic little ball of golden fluff, my sister's bff Melanie's Pomeranian Little Bear. Both owners were on sight to act as dog wranglers.

Little Bear is on the young side so all he wants to do is be a puppy and take off, run around, and lick everyone senseless. He has long since gotten over the fact that Trevor is there for the most part, but Mel doesn't want to let him loose off his leash in case he decides to make a jailbreak and take off for the hills. Because of this she uses a small sled that my sister brought as a doggie prop to tie Bear to so that he will (more or less) stay stationary. Kristen then convinces the older and more dignified Trevor to sit on the sled. He's very well trained and while not looking enthused by the prospect of sitting on a cold sled while this pup gallivants around he stays where he's told.

Drama ensues.

I've realized my flash drive is full so I am doing the godzilla stomp through the snow in order to get a new one out of my bag. My sister continues to try and get a shot, but as soon as Kristen leaves Trevor to stand up and walk away Little Bear decides now is a good time to get to know his new acquaintance a little better. You know by doing what dogs do: shaking his hand. OK OK... Sniffing his butt. Trevor looks back at the offender but listens to his "Mom" who keeps repeating, "Treeeevorr... staaaaay" in a low voice, while Melanie keeps calling to Little Bear trying to convince him to stop being so friendly. Giggling.

Umm... This is where this blog launches into PG-13 land. If you are easily offended you should maybe visit Austin's link over there on the right. He's very PC. NOW... onward!!

I'm nearly to my bag when Kristen suddenly proclaims "Ahhh man!! He's licking his weiner!!!" And yes... he is. Little Bear apparently wants DESPERATELY to be friends. All the rest of us know is that this shot is not going to make it to the website. Trevor is sitting there on the sled with the most humiliated flop-eared expression--he just can't believe we are all just making him suffer through this degradation.

I nearly died, "I didn't know this was going to be a dog porn shoot!!"

Kristen quickly retorted, "Not just dog porn---GAY dog porn." Bunch of sicko's.

So there you have it. Gay dog porn. There probably IS a market for it. NO, I'm not going to look for it. And yes in case you were wondering, Trevor's debasement was indeed caught on film. And NO. I'm not going to post the pictures.

Perverts.

If you would never pay to have photos of your family taken---then I feel sorry for you

Because you miss out on moments like this... This picture of my sister and my nephew literally made me cry. Hormones and a nasty case of PMS aside... I just think it captures a mother's strength and amazing love for her children (at least until they become teenagers). I heart it.

Excuses excuses, a smidgen of self loathing, utter disgust, and finally a little brevity and touch of smug satisfaction

I know my blog posts have been coming with the frequency of my sister's child support checks and I apologize to anyone who has checked back more then once only to be greeted again and again by the sinister smile of Ellen.

I've been busy.

Take a look. To the right is a picture of the garbage can next to my computer. It is filled to the brim with empty cans of carbonated beverages and flattened candy boxes and wrappers. This means only one thing:

I have been working Photoshop magic for nearly a fortnight.

I once noted in a prior post that editing required a constant sugar supply. If the sugar stops all production stops. The sugar must flow. Add that to the late nights I have been hard at work and you gotta add the caffeine. That's how this whole thing works. I have been working on a new website AND editing two shoots (and the day job). Its been busy. And I have had PMS... basically this last couple weeks has been a recipe for waistline disaster.

Lets move on to something even MORE unpleasant... shall we? Recently I had a family shoot. They were a family that really wanted something urban so we met up at the salt flats for a cool location that really fit their style. We noticed right off the bat when we got there hundreds of little flies.

They were everywhere. I looked down on my shoulder and I'd see hundreds. It was disgusting, it was shiver inducing, but since they were so small perhaps, we decided to tough it out. After all we'd come all that way. From the picture you can see shooting was a challenge as people kept wanting to move to swat the nasty little vermin away.

We swatted, we swiped, we spit, we wiped tiny flies out of our lip-gloss, and we shot. However, it soon became apparent that not only were these little guys a nuisance, but they were also BITING.

The family I was shooting was debating a reschedule when I looked at my sisters face and saw blood red welts in the corners of her eyes. That was enough for me. I called it and we tore to our respective vehicles shaking and swatting. We rolled the windows down and drove like bats outta hell. As we left it became quickly apparent that we each had a hundred billion raised bites. Lore had a mass along her hairline, I could feel my back was full of them, Alexis claimed she looked like she had the pox. Then... the itching began.

This is a picture of my back as it looked after we had made it home. It was disgusting. Together the three of us suffered most of the entire next week. I have never scratched so much in my entire life. Damn biting midges. Who knew?

Luckily that day was not a complete waste as we found some time to have a mini shoot with a couple girls that Alexis knew. This is the lovely Moriah. I'll have these posted soon.

Speaking of posting, the new website is now launched! Please go ahead and have a look at it. I have new bridals posted. I have been working on it for the last three or four weeks and I'm thrilled I'm finally caught up. If you have had it on your blog rolls please update it again or it won't show you when I've posted anything new. If you've never been but you're interested in seeing my work check it out at the link on the top right or at www.shamelessphotography.net.

Finally!! Now what am I gonna do with myself???

Because it amuses me...

An IM conversation between my sister and I:

 

 Lore:  I think my right boob is smaller than my left one, my necklace always bounces over that one when I walk.

 Me:  ...nice,  you probably would walk in a giant circle if left unobstructed.

 Lore:  Well if I just watched my boobs while I walked there is a chance of that, but I try not to

 

 Me:  Well..  um.. keep up the good work.

Its your birthday, we gon' party like its your birthday

Happy Birthday Blog!!

 

My blog is turning 2.  Its a toddler now!!  Meaning I get even more reason to act out and say irresposible things.  Or at least dump whole boxes of cereal on the floor and cry when tired.  Terribly good start I think.

 

 

To celebrate we are going to go to the Melting Pot downtown tonight.  OK... thats not EXACTLY true.  We are going to the Melting Pot, but not in celebration of lovely blog's birthday (Travesty I tell you.  Travesty).  Instead we are going with money Kim gave us for Christmas, which also included hand written sentiment in which she threatened us against hooligan-like activities using said monies with severe bodily harm. 

Also we have wanted to go there forever!

 

Randy and I always talked that we wanted to go there but the Melting Pot encourages reservations and such.  If you know Randy at all you would know that making plans are not in his repetoire.  Thus we haven't been.  Kim gave us the push we needed to actually take destiny into our hands.  We invited my sister, Randy made reservations, and tonight we're gonna eat some fondue!!

 

Will keep you updated on eating of tasty things and having glorious time.

That's why I love her...

Recent conversation between my sister and I as we wait to go through security in the Miami International Airport:

Me: Ugh. I hate security.

Lore: Hey, can the Amish fly? How's that work?

Me: Huh? Since when? No the Amish don't fly.

Lore: Well what's that guy doing?

Me: What?! What guy?

Lore: That one down there in line.

Me: (laughing) You nerd, that's an Orthodox Jew!

Lore: Ohhhhhhh.... yeah.

The dangers of taking photographs professionally...

Yesterday I went out on a shoot. I had my trusty assistant (not real sure on the trusty part, but we'll roll with it) and my semi-willing model. The sun was popping out after a less then stellar looking overcast day. I was ready to rock.

One thing that is fun but challenging for the natural light portrait photographer is scouting out new and fun locations that not everyone's sister-in-law, visiting teacher, old roommate, dog groomer etc is already using. Its pretty tough nowadays to try and grab a little uniqueness for yourself when everyone seems to have gone into photography lately. We're all looking for the same things. So its nice if you can find a little-used location or put a unique twist on a used one.

Yesterday we went out to try a new one for us.

We got permission from the property owner (always a good idea) and started to trek, with all our gear (and baby Cam who came along for the fun) to a lovely field of huge sunflowers. I took the lead. As usual I was in flip flops and as is normal I was cursing myself a "Geniuspants" for not wearing footwear perhaps more suited to the job at hand. Luckily my mostly-trusty assistant was wearing toeless shoes with a heal so I wasn't the biggest goober in the dork parade.

As we waded through some head high corn I got to a place that was a little muddy and I shouted behind me to my lovely model (my niece Alexis) that her mom was not going to like the next section of trail ahead. Timed to absolute perfection, as I uttered the last word, my food went calf deep into a miniature swamp. I uttered a swear word or two and Alexis giggled behind me. As I struggled to pull my foot out of the hole my other foot started to sink and so I flailed and staggered a bit and yanked my foot out of the quick sand---sans flip flop. This is where I then hopped awkwardly looking for a place to put down my bare foot that didn't include thistles. I ended up handing all my gear to Alex as I had to crouch over the "mud hole to China" and stick my arm in to the elbow in order to retrieve my shoe. It wouldn't budge. I finally had to balance myself and yank with all my might. My flip flop emerged covered in dripping mud and accompanied by the sound of a rumbling wet fart. It was... fantastic.

Trekked BACK to cars to get wet wipes and water to TRY and clean my swamp thing arm and then started out again. When we finally got there it was not at all like what I imagined and for awhile there I was disappointed that everything we'd planned was going to come to naught AND I got wet and muddy for no reason at all. Luckily we tried some different stuff and still ended up leaving with some good shots and at the very least an entertaining story.

Besides... if you looked at the picture, I wasn't the only one with a less then dazzling moment. Thanks for making me feel better Alexis!

Hanging with the cool kids---if you like rocks n'stuff

Back again by popular demand....

A couple weekends ago Randy and my sister (along with Baby Cam) went up and stayed in the time share in Park City to enjoy the Kimball Art's Festival

It was nice to get away even if it was only for a couple days.

We saw some of our favorites from last year back again:

We all covet the pieces from Anthony Hansen who makes fantastic metal hearts and other things from scrap from old cars. Really spectacular in person.

My sister found her favorite car painting again and I'm sure imagined a house she could put it in where it wouldn't take up the whole wall.

I had a scary Mom moment where I found myself really admiring some pots.

Randy hung out with Cameron and garnered looks of distrust from passersby. Apparently he doesn't look very responsible. Some woman actually asked him if he should have such a cute baby in his care. Bwa ha ha.

.

My sister found what she called "the best looking piece of art there" in a booth eating a creamy. We tried to get a picture of him but it was like he knew our secret motives and stared right at us almost the whole time. I began to be aware of a strange sense of... awkwardness. We ran away feeling horrified that we were so transparent. I think Lore blushed.

Randy just though we were morons.

We went back to looking at the non-embarrassing type art.




Cam lived up to his moniker "Spitty Cent". He was just chillin', hanging out and rolling on sixes.

Began to realize that we don't fit in with the Park City crowd. Have deemed that there are six things necessary to come off looking like a local. The following in no specific order:


A Dog. Must walk dog everywhere. If there is social gathering must bring dog. If going hiking must bring dog. If going grocery shopping must bring dog. Leave dog in car.

The Car. Must own a Suburu Outback or at the very least a Forrester. All wheel drive is where its at. Lots of room for dog. (We counted 34 Suburu Outbacks from Kimball Junction to the time share. Granted busy weekend... but seriously?)

Indian Jewelry: Apparently we didn't get the memo that southwest jewelry never goes out of style with the granola crowd, despite the fact that you can't give it away anywhere else.

The Fanny Pack: Being hands free is very important while your walking your dog or skinning a yeti.

Must find yeti coats attractive. Self explanatory. Sometimes when going out on the town polar fleece is just not appropriate.

Hopefully these tips can help you feel more at home on your next visit to lovely Park City. No no, don't thank me. Its my pleasure.

Summer recap or otherwise titled: What I Have Been Doing While My Blog Grows Mold

I’m very busy and important.

Didn’t you know?

While I have been quite busy with work and Shameless Photography, I have also been lazy and procrastinating too. There is just too much fun stuff going on in the summer. So when you consider all of those things you can possibly see why the ole blog is looking a bit dusty. Don’t worry… because of my lack of posts I will now do a very long and ridiculous post that will make your eyes burn from the strain. It will be that long and filled with that many visual goodies! You may have to take intermission half way through as to not suffer permanent damage. Don’t worry, I will let you know when is a good time to do this. I’m caring and understanding that way. Take a deep breath and away we go.

In June I had the lovely wedding of Miranda and Colby. The whole thing went beautifully and it was the type of setting that makes any photographers index finger twitch. So a special thanks to them for letting me be a part of their big day. My sister even got past the “nervous pooping” and came off looking like she does Thanksgiving Point weddings all the time. Ain’t no thing.

After the wedding I decided to just make my job easier and take the plunge. Yes the picture to the side is me making out with my new Canon 5D Mark II. Don’t look at me like that. You don’t understand. I NEED it. You know, if I actually stopped spending all my profit on more equipment I might actually be able to have extra money for stuff. Hmmm… nope that’s not gonna happen. I want way too much stuff!!

In the meantime, me and my 5D are having a torrid affair. Can I just tell you how much I love being able to take everyday snapshots indoors with no flash (ISO 6400 with a f2.8 lens. Woot! it’s a dream. See below.) Everyday is a honeymoon. And for those who are wondering, no it doesn’t kill me to carry this rig around. I barely notice. I already have built in arm muscles from the day job which is lucky or Lore’s illustrious title would grow to become Group Organizer/2nd Wedding Photographer/Camera holder/Lighting Girl Extraordinaire. Try saying that fast. Plus she thinks she already deserves 30% of my profit. Imagine what she’d want if I started her having her hold my camera too. Apparently I better start to charge more.

Ugh… assistants. Can’t live with ‘em. Can’t hold a reflector and shoot at the same time. (Sissy!! You know I love you!)

Lore’s birthday/family barbecue followed right on the heels of the wedding. As was my sissy’s request I made a HUGE mess of ribs; somewhere in the neighborhood of ten racks. Please note: if you ever decide to make a huge mess of ribs, either have two ovens or have a nice friend/neighbor who will let you mess up hers (Sorry Mel). This is mandatory. Also invite ever-skinny cousin-in-law who will eat two racks by himself. Genetic freak.

Anyway… As I just mentioned my lovely cousin and family were able to come down. Sarah and Boyd don’t hang out with the rest of us nearly enough and it was fun having
them and their kiddies there. We
had tons of good food. Everyone brought something yummy and we all left the table feeling like we’d put on ten pounds---except for Boyd I mean. My cousins got the pleasure of meeting Randy for the first time. Lucky lucky them. After the food, the rest of the kids took their cue from Kyle and all got together and attacked him. I enjoyed that part quite a bit.

When things cleared out a little bit we had a late fight night and Kyle showed us some of his moves to the enjoyment of all. Future cage fighter yo. Well, either that or Jedi Knight, but I’m not really sure if there’s a market for that nowadays or how much it pays, so maybe classes on jujitsu are a better idea then on using “the force“. I’m just saying.

Also in June, Pleasant Grove held their annual Strawberry Days Festival. Lore Randy and I took Courtney, Brittany and Kyle to their very first carnival. Yes I know, I know! Lore IS a mean mom. The kids had a blast. Courtney thought the Ferris Wheel was the coolest thing ever. She pretty much wanted to go again as soon her feet were planted back on solid ground. Brittany apparently did not. You would have thought it was some sort of unique torture designed specifically for dramatic little girls. Good times.

Kyle on the other hand was absolutely fearless. He wanted to go on anything that little short kid types were allowed on and he didn’t care if anyone went with him or not. Frankly I think the only reason Kyle even wanted any of us around was for more tickets.




Courtney always looks forward to Strawberry Days because they sell her favorite summer treat: strawberries and cream. We took a break in between some rides and all got some. She was like a homeless dog with a milk bone. She retreated to her own space and scarfed down her treat in silence only allowing time to breath in between bites if especially necessary. No she did not lick the cup. She DID however stick her fingers in and wipe the sides.

In the meantime, while eating their goodies, Kyle and Randy had a very stimulating and intellectual conversation. I believe Randy may have been asking him if he was having fun or the like and I think perhaps Kyle responded by saying something like, “Give me all your money punk, I need more tickets”.

I could be wrong on that last part. Its been awhile.

Baby Cameron AKA Barf Vader/Spitty Cent basically hung out, looked cute and puked on hisself. But that’s a normal weeknight for him.

We stayed until the carnival was closing up and hopefully till Kyle was a little wore out. It seems that carnivals are tiring for the older set as well. No they aren’t dead. That’s what Brittany asked also as we stood there trying not to giggle. However, she answered her own question when she noted with a slightly disturbed expression, “I saw the one with its mouth open close it. But then it opened it again”. And yes, she did use the term “it” as if the couple were strange life forms crashed on our planet in their minivan-esque ship.


I apologize to anyone who might happen to know these folks. I’m not trying to make fun of anyone, but they really were the whip cream on the sundae of my evening. I couldn’t help it. I guess we should all just be happy that their people rolled down the windows before they left them alone in the car. Bwa ha ha.

Okay. Enough of me being mean. Moving ON. (Also… this would be a good time for intermission in case you were wondering.)


On the Fourth of July, Randy and I found ourselves once again hanging with my sister. She didn’t have the younger girls on this holiday and Alexis already had plans so we decided against the usual barbecue and set off on a slightly different holiday strategy. Randy must have been feeling especially obliging on this day. Maybe it was the sunny weather. Maybe. But whatever the case he agreed to go along and get a pedicure with the rest of us. Since he seemed to be in such an agreeable mood I told the lady he wanted his toes painted black. He just shrugged and said sure. And he was watching the cooking channel. And he had the remote. AND he was sober.

Strange day.

My sister for her part spent her time intently watching the other big screen TV. This is because if she let her eyes wander they would be inescapably pulled toward the lady whose feet went through not just one, but two blades to remove what Randy refers to as her “moccasins” which would consistently cause her to gag. She began to send us picture messages of the pile of dead skin in front of her. I didn’t know whether to shudder or giggle. I did both.

After this fun filled activity we met up with Amber and went out for sushi. Yes I know, Diana already told me that it was completely un-American and that we should be ashamed, but we love it. Tepenyaki was great as usual. After that we did redeem ourselves a little by watching the Pleasant Grove city fireworks. I think they lasted approximately 8 minutes. Eh. We were slightly disappointed. BUT at least we weren’t disappointed AND pissed cause we had sat through the Jonas Brothers to see it.

The very next day I had shoot for a huge family get together. In all honesty, shooting big groups is my idea of special portrait photographer hell. However, the family was a total hoot and made the job a lot of fun. So a special thanks to Michelle for letting Lore and I be a part of their Mom’s party.

In between all of this, my insufferable never-ending sinus infection decided to get even worse if possible, I had a toothache unfortunately not directly related to said infection and I also decided to have a kidney stone. THAT was a fun week.

I have also noticed a disturbing trend called “When I Edit I Must Have Candy”. Considering the amount of editing I do on occasion, this is a very bad thing indeed. The flow of sugar must not be interrupted as it is imperative for the creative processes. Yeah I said it. Yeah its an excuse. Get off me.



A couple of weeks ago we had a fantastic BBQ at my sisters house with our friends Sam and Di. We had all manner of good things including tenderloin kabobs, Indonesian chicken satay, peanut sauce, and steamed rice. Randy convinced us that we needed to order the UFC 100 fights we had missed the weekend prior and I am so glad we did. Watching Dan Henderson knock out Bisping was one of the highlights of July. Fight fans, you know what I’m talking about. Awesome.

Pioneer Day my buddy Foodie and I decided to go see the new Harry Potter flick and made a pact to go to a restaurant we had never been to before for lunch. Somehow, mainly due to a lack of time, we found ourselves at a joint called Red Rooster Waffle Company. Now I don’t want to come out and hate on the place cause the proprietor seemed like a very nice fellow but well… it was crap. If you like orange butter that doesn’t melt on a waffle served with mystery chicken pieces in a strange tasting batter, or a waffle with Readi Whip and Hershies chocolate sauce on it passed off as a seven dollar dessert then stay home---you can make this stuff cheaper on your own. However, if this culinary delight does sound like something you want to try, well then I urge you to get out there and do it. And hurry--I don’t think it will be around long.

That weekend I had engagements with lovely couple Justin and Erin. They were hilarious and kept Lore and I laughing the whole time. Great sports. As a bonus, we had been waiting for ages for a shoot with a subject that would be right for the location for quite awhile and were pretty stoked to finally use it. Very cool place. More pictures of them will be on the website this week. Take a minute to check them out if you get the chance.

Lastly I went on a hot date with Di. She took me to a movie and I bought her some dessert. She put on make-up and did her hair. I was feeling pretty lucky. It was the second time I had seen Disney Pixar’s UP. I STILL cried twice. “Why do I not have the surprised feeling?“. I couldn’t even blame it on hormonal imbalance this time. I just love Doug, Alpha and the other dogs. Hysterical. Other then Monsters inc, its definitely my---SQUIRREL!!