Monday, October 27, 2008

mishaps make the best stories

I've said it before, and I'll say it again. Mishaps always make for the most entertaining tales. Perhaps some day I will blog the horror story that was my date with "Fingers", or enlighten you about the time Lucky and I went on our first girl's only camping trip and our run in with "Joe," the girlfriend abusing drunkard. Maybe just maybe you'll hear the one about Chanel jumping out of the ravine charging golf cart. Maybe.

Today I will hopefully amuse you with an adventure titled: Tracy and the "So That's Why They Make You Sign a Waiver" Castle of Chaos

Last year right around this time Randy and I went on a double date with his charming work associate and his lovely wife. For anonymity's sake we will call them Jack and Jill. First off we went to Tepenyaki and had dinner there cause well... it makes me salivate. Sushi anyone?? O-kay... getting sidetracked. Back to the story. After we retreated to our home to decide what to do next. We finally went with a haunted house and all agreed on the Castle of Chaos. Mainly I think cause it had the best website. Or the coolest name. I forget.

Note to self: Do not make judgements on a night's activities by the coolness of websites or the awesomeness of titles. It will only end in tragedy, or at least one person being really really pissed.

Anyhow, it was a cold and rainy night. We drove downtown and got in line and were staggered by the admission price first off. Despite that we got the "X-Scream Pass" which was an extended part of the house for a little extra. I got ready for the mingled sense of anxiety, awkwardness, and very slight fear that usually accompanies your run of the mill haunted house. Silly me, I should have gotten ready for things more like pain, horror and disgust.

Things started just as they should and exactly how I expected. Lots of screaming teenage girls, bad make-up, fog machines, Randy and Jack making off-hand remarks to the actors. You know the usual. Then things took a turn for the worse. We entered a room where the actors herded two of your party into "coffins" that they had to lay in and they would pass through the wall while the rest of your group walked around and was confronted by your usual crowd of ghouls. Since we had gone to dinner, I was wearing a suit jacket and a sweater vest and didn't feel like getting dirty or rumpled so I opted to go around. After the corner the room had a strobe light. As I walked through the room one of the actors lunged at me in order to scare me.

Now maybe its an occupational hazard for the actor, but I didn't sign up for what came next. Perhaps thrown off by the strobe light, (I guess you never get used to them or maybe cause I just rule that way) the young man, who was wearing glasses at the time, while lunging at me, resoundingly, head-butted me. I was told later by Jack that you could completely hear the THWACK even with all the other noise going on. Everything went black, the pain was intense and I staggered a bit. The actor also staggered back clutching his head and mumbled "sorry" while holding onto his glasses which had snapped in half.

This was about the time that I noticed that he had hit me so hard one of my soft contacts had popped out of my eye. Fantastic. Super even. Did I mention I still had half of the house to go with that blasted extended pass? The rest of the first house was a muddled foggy mess in my mind. My head hurt, I couldn't see worth a damn, and I was royally pissed off.

When we got to the end of the first section we got to a waiting area where I found that we had collided so hard that I was wearing some of the accident prone kid's make-up. I had a white smear across my forehead (and a HUGE headache). Everyone had a good laugh. Well almost everyone.

Next up, thankfully the last of my trials. We entered into the second section and were told that we had two choices: go through this curtain by yourself or CRAWL on your hands and knees through a tunnel. OK then. They only let two of each party go the curtain route so I ended up crawling in my suit jacket and nice clothes through a tunnel where hundreds of people had already passed on this rainy night.

I. Was. Pleased.

The rest of the house consisted of my clutching onto the back of Jill's coat so i wouldn't get lost being that I couldn't see--fog or not, and trying not to be the "Really Bitter Person that Ruins Everyone Else's Good Time".

I'm now told that this year they make you sign a waiver cause they get "blood" and such on you and the actors can touch you but you can't touch them. Like blood flinging, grabby strippers or something. I think I pass.