They are also bluntly honest and cruel, but we're just gonna focus on the dumb part today.
As I was saying, kids are dumb. I know I sure did my fair share of pretty dumb things as a kid like washing rocks with soap and a toothbrush in my mom's sink, starting a small brush fire in the neighbors back yard and bending over anywhere in the general vicinity of my bother-in-law's yellow lab (Dumbest. Dog. Ever. We're talking about the same intelligence level as dirt. Maybe celery).
Anyway, the following is a narrative of a fun game that my childhood best friend Lucky-Unlucky and I used to play in her back yard. Fun, sure, but as you will see, obviously a little too much of a challenge for our cognitive abilities.
As children Lucky and I spent a good chunk of our time in her backyard being tomboys, as I have mentioned in a prior post. We built things, we drowned things, we got all kinds of dirty. You know, the usual stuff. In her back yard was a walnut tree with a rope swing. Now being the imaginative little kids that we were, we got out benches and put them a short distance away from each other with the rope hanging in between in the interest of swinging back and forth. See, cool right?
So that worked well but it lost its appeal rather quickly. So we decided to do an old standby game. The 'you make up a cool swing and we'll both do it and then I will make up one... etc etc'. So we had Superman Swings and Tarzan swings but soon we had to be a bit more inventive. I decided to make up the "Dead Man's Swing". I got the rope and pulled up the end and held it together in a loop. I then put my head in the loop and swung across the benches holding above my head so the rope was slack. While I did it I made some gurgling sound and we both laughed and thought it was all good fun.
Then it was Lucky's turn,
She got her rope ready and pushed off the bench. She never quite made it to the other side. She lost all momentum and just sort of swung lazily in the middle all the while choking and sputtering. I mean this girl was good!! Her legs were all kicking and jerking and her face was turning red. It was awesome. I laughed and laughed!
It wasn't till she finally realized that all she had to do is let go of the rope above her head that I found out that she hadn't been acting---she hadn't quite gotten the gist of the whole 'hold the rope' thing and had actually been there choking to death on her own accord.
Boy was she pissed.
See. Kids are dumb.
Yep.
That really is what you think it is.
Good ole Small Wonder. Its a small wonder I still have enough brain cells to function after watching this as a child. I used to watch this early Saturday evenings right before dinner. Even as a child I had some knowledge of how stupid this show was, but that never stops a kid. If that were true there would never be that instance of that little neighbor kid showing up on your front steps with no pants on. After memories of this flooded back it made me remember some other real stinkers I used to watch. Let me know if this lights a spark for you better left unlit:
Mr. Belvedere: Sitcom about a British butler that used to serve Queen Elizebeth and for some reason now works for an American family. Highlights: That rascal Wesley.
Charles in Charge: My favorite 'not gonna happen in real life' premis. Young college age guy watches over two teenage girls and a young boy. Highlights: Charles' dorky friend Buddy.
Pee Wee's Playhouse: Saturday morning show featuring, who else? Pee Wee Herman and a strange cast of friends including a dinosaur, a chair and a TV. Highlights: Word of the Day, Penny clayamation skits, and the Giant Underwear segments.
Blossom: Sitcom about a teen girl, her single dad and dumb but cute brother. I still pull the Joey Lawrence "Whoa" out every once in a while just for kicks and giggles. Highlights: Counting how many different hats Six wore.
ALF: Sitcom about a wiseguy alien that crashes his spaceship into a suburban family's garage. How did this stay on air for four seasons??? Highlights: Watching Alf try to eat Lucky, the family cat.
Who's the Boss: An Itallian stallion gets a job as a housekeeper and he and his daughter move in with his business woman boss. Sexual tension ensues. Highlights:Tony Danza's incessant oh ohohhh's and watching Jonathan grow into a nice young gay man.
Saved by the Bell: Saturday morning show about a group of friends going to school together. The acting is so bad it hurts my eyes. Because I start to claw them out. Highlights: Mario Lopez's dimples.
Boy Meets World: Sitcom about a boy played by one of those Savage kids, his older brother and friend. Later on when it started to get unfunny it was about his relationship with his grilfriend. Highlights: Just knowing that somewhere there is a girl named Topanga.
Punky Brewster: Sitcom about a poor, fashion challenged, little orphan and the old guy that really wants to adopt her and can't. Tear jerking isn't it? Highlight: The sweet treehouse and "I must I must I must increase my bust" --Cherry
Some others were Step by Step, Just the Ten of Us, Family Matters, Sabrina the Teenage Witch, the Hogan Family, My Two Dads, Full House, Zubilee Zoo, and Dinosaurs. The last really does deserve a note. It was a primetime sitcom with people dressed up as a dinosaur family. The baby dinosaur continuously hit the father with a frying pan while screaming "Not the mommy!". Did I mention it was people dressed up as DINOSAURS?
It amazes me what sometimes passed as entertainment in my formative years. Are there any favorites of yours I missed? Or was one of these particular endearing to you? Lets hear it.
