Strange new happenings

The cell phone has a strange power over people.

 

Its almost as if the cell phone is an actual present human being that gives a person a sense of being with others, like a pack mate.  Much like the changes that occur when you have the the shy, quiet, lone teen and then you let them loose with other teens and they then become obnoxious, rude, hooligan types with no manners, the same thing happens with the average adult when they become attached to their cell phone in a public place.  They go from a right-thinking individual to a tactless, thoughtless, blob of, "What?  Did I do something wrong?".

 

Now perhaps you, the reader do some of the following things.  I'm not coming at you.  Perhaps you don't even realize the effect your behavior has on those around you because you are so engrossed with your conversation.  That's why I'm here.  To enlighten you to how big of a jerk everyone else is thinking you are.  See, I've got your back like that.

 

Firstly,

• The Obnoxiously Loud Conversation:  For some reason people on the cell phone in public places think we want to hear their side of their conversations.  They talk so loud you can hear them several yards away.  Lady, I don't care that your sisters husband ruined the family reunion.  And seriously, think about it.  Do you want a dozen other strangers to know about your dysfunctional relationships?  Blue tooth has added a funny element to this particular issue.  Not only do all of us around you think that you're annoying, but for the first minute or two we think you're just plain crazy as well.  I am so mentally mocking the lady that is 'outside voicing' to the heavens and gesturing as she pushes her cart down the grocery aisle.  Then I go home and publicly mock them on my blog.  Don't let this happen to you folks.  And since we're on the subject of blue tooth ANYWAY...
• The Individual That Wears Their Blue Tooth To Social Gatherings:  Just don't. Okay? Basically you're telling everyone around you that they're not important enough for you to miss a call. As a matter of fact, how about we just say if you're not driving or doing something with your hands---you just look like a jerk.  Next...
• The Guy Whose Time Is Much More Important Then Your Own:  People who stand in check out lanes, post office lines, in front of bank tellers etc and talk on the phone having no regard for the person across from them or the people behind them in line.  How about this?  How about you show some respect for your fellow human beings?  Its called having manners.  How would you feel if the bank teller was on a personal call while she counted your money?  How about offering the same level of respect to these people that are trying to do their jobs?  Difficult to remember that they aren't just animatronic wax figures sent to do your bidding I know, but TRY.  Often the animatrons are much nicer that way. Or so I've heard. 
• And lastly the strangest phenomenon of all, The Person Who Has Nothing To Hide! (But Who We All Wish Did): This is the individual who I have seen lately that not only carries on The Obnoxiously Loud Conversation, but also has their phone on speaker so we can hear the OTHER side of the conversation TOO!!!  Lucky us. Seriously?  No wait, I mean SERIOUSLY?

So there you go guys.  See how I look out for you like that??  Keep you from projecting yourself as the future crazy neighborhood cat lady?  See, I care. 

 

Recent conversation between me and my mother

Me: Ugh. I hate cramps!! I wish if you didn't use your uterus it would just dry up and go away!

Mom: Me too. I think God made a big mistake.

Me: I'M not saying he made a big mistake. I'd probably grow a third ovary. That would be crap.

The dangers of taking photographs professionally...

Yesterday I went out on a shoot. I had my trusty assistant (not real sure on the trusty part, but we'll roll with it) and my semi-willing model. The sun was popping out after a less then stellar looking overcast day. I was ready to rock.

One thing that is fun but challenging for the natural light portrait photographer is scouting out new and fun locations that not everyone's sister-in-law, visiting teacher, old roommate, dog groomer etc is already using. Its pretty tough nowadays to try and grab a little uniqueness for yourself when everyone seems to have gone into photography lately. We're all looking for the same things. So its nice if you can find a little-used location or put a unique twist on a used one.

Yesterday we went out to try a new one for us.

We got permission from the property owner (always a good idea) and started to trek, with all our gear (and baby Cam who came along for the fun) to a lovely field of huge sunflowers. I took the lead. As usual I was in flip flops and as is normal I was cursing myself a "Geniuspants" for not wearing footwear perhaps more suited to the job at hand. Luckily my mostly-trusty assistant was wearing toeless shoes with a heal so I wasn't the biggest goober in the dork parade.

As we waded through some head high corn I got to a place that was a little muddy and I shouted behind me to my lovely model (my niece Alexis) that her mom was not going to like the next section of trail ahead. Timed to absolute perfection, as I uttered the last word, my food went calf deep into a miniature swamp. I uttered a swear word or two and Alexis giggled behind me. As I struggled to pull my foot out of the hole my other foot started to sink and so I flailed and staggered a bit and yanked my foot out of the quick sand---sans flip flop. This is where I then hopped awkwardly looking for a place to put down my bare foot that didn't include thistles. I ended up handing all my gear to Alex as I had to crouch over the "mud hole to China" and stick my arm in to the elbow in order to retrieve my shoe. It wouldn't budge. I finally had to balance myself and yank with all my might. My flip flop emerged covered in dripping mud and accompanied by the sound of a rumbling wet fart. It was... fantastic.

Trekked BACK to cars to get wet wipes and water to TRY and clean my swamp thing arm and then started out again. When we finally got there it was not at all like what I imagined and for awhile there I was disappointed that everything we'd planned was going to come to naught AND I got wet and muddy for no reason at all. Luckily we tried some different stuff and still ended up leaving with some good shots and at the very least an entertaining story.

Besides... if you looked at the picture, I wasn't the only one with a less then dazzling moment. Thanks for making me feel better Alexis!

Favorite thing of the week is...

Seems like the only thing on TV anymore is ridiculous reality shows filled with fame whores that are just pimping out their lives for the sake of their five minutes or the 18th version of CSI (which I love to dis on--moody dark labs, street clothes and that strangely the officers do not only do the crime scene investigating, but all the lab work, all the detective work AND go out and arrest the perps too. Talk about multi-taskers!! Blah).

Then I caught Glee when they ran the pilot this last spring on Fox. It was original, it was fun, and it was a little irreverent. It was like high school musical meets Mean Girls or something. The characters are great and you immediately like them. They mixed in classic and contemporary songs and the actors are really doing the singing. They have a great version or Journey's "Don't Stop Believing" that you can hear on Itunes OR you can check the pilot out on the Fox website or at Hulu. I'd highly recommend it if you love music, or rooting for the underdog, or are sick of shows about rich snotty trust fund baby types. If your interest is peaked but you're not sold, check out this little trailer:



If by chance you have seen the pilot, or if you enjoyed the trailer, you can watch this clip from one of the shows this fall where the Glee kids have a interesting dance routine to go with their questionable song choice at a school assembly to the horror of some of the faculty and students. It doesn't take itself too seriously. Please make special note of the fanny pack. I bout died.



Anyone who watches the pilot gets a gold star!! Let me know what you thought. The new season starts September 9th.

PS... for those Ipod types they have two free clips on Itunes now. One of the talented Rachel Lea singing "On My Own" from Les Mis and the other is the cast doing a rendition of Kanye West's "Gold Digger". Too fun.

Just looking out for the fatties out there

So guys, in my extensive time on this planet I have accumulated a vast array of knowledge about certain things, and more importantly, life in general. In a recent conversation with a friend I realized that I had yet to impart a very important life lesson to the readers of my blog (I know I have them, the site meter says so. They just NEVER comment because they know my self worth is not measured by such petty little things... where's my Paxil?). SO.. I have decided to go ahead and tell you about what I like to call, "The Python Effect".

This particular lesson has to do with buying clothes. Never ever ever buy pants to big for you. The reason I say this is easily illustrated by our reptile friend the Python. Pythons are large snakes that kill prey by constriction. Many people keep them as pets. An interesting thing to note is that the Python will in general only grow large enough for its enclosure. The bigger the enclosure the bigger the snake will in general grow.

The Python Effect lies in this. Not only will a snake grow to fit its enclosure, but so will a butt. That's it. Simple really. If your pants are loose your butt will instinctively grow to fit them. Do not wear clothes too big for you! Don't ask me how I know such things. It should be apparent.

Take this important lesson and apply it to your life. If I can help just one person avoid the pitfalls of sweat pants I will have done my job.

Hanging with the cool kids---if you like rocks n'stuff

Back again by popular demand....

A couple weekends ago Randy and my sister (along with Baby Cam) went up and stayed in the time share in Park City to enjoy the Kimball Art's Festival

It was nice to get away even if it was only for a couple days.

We saw some of our favorites from last year back again:

We all covet the pieces from Anthony Hansen who makes fantastic metal hearts and other things from scrap from old cars. Really spectacular in person.

My sister found her favorite car painting again and I'm sure imagined a house she could put it in where it wouldn't take up the whole wall.

I had a scary Mom moment where I found myself really admiring some pots.

Randy hung out with Cameron and garnered looks of distrust from passersby. Apparently he doesn't look very responsible. Some woman actually asked him if he should have such a cute baby in his care. Bwa ha ha.

.

My sister found what she called "the best looking piece of art there" in a booth eating a creamy. We tried to get a picture of him but it was like he knew our secret motives and stared right at us almost the whole time. I began to be aware of a strange sense of... awkwardness. We ran away feeling horrified that we were so transparent. I think Lore blushed.

Randy just though we were morons.

We went back to looking at the non-embarrassing type art.




Cam lived up to his moniker "Spitty Cent". He was just chillin', hanging out and rolling on sixes.

Began to realize that we don't fit in with the Park City crowd. Have deemed that there are six things necessary to come off looking like a local. The following in no specific order:


A Dog. Must walk dog everywhere. If there is social gathering must bring dog. If going hiking must bring dog. If going grocery shopping must bring dog. Leave dog in car.

The Car. Must own a Suburu Outback or at the very least a Forrester. All wheel drive is where its at. Lots of room for dog. (We counted 34 Suburu Outbacks from Kimball Junction to the time share. Granted busy weekend... but seriously?)

Indian Jewelry: Apparently we didn't get the memo that southwest jewelry never goes out of style with the granola crowd, despite the fact that you can't give it away anywhere else.

The Fanny Pack: Being hands free is very important while your walking your dog or skinning a yeti.

Must find yeti coats attractive. Self explanatory. Sometimes when going out on the town polar fleece is just not appropriate.

Hopefully these tips can help you feel more at home on your next visit to lovely Park City. No no, don't thank me. Its my pleasure.

Favorite thing of the week--or ever really

I know. I'm a week late. I suck its true. BUT... I've learned to not be too hard on myself. Besides I did blog in between so I don't feel as guilty for not completing the goal I set for myself right out of the gate. Yes I know, such a tragedy. Disgraceful really. Now that I have properly and publicly berated myself, let us move forward.



This guy right here is my favorite thing of the week. Well of last week really. OK, always. But last week he was really as patient as can be asked of anyone. On my shoot last week he put up with the, "No... nevermind. Over here is better" and the "You need to be over here to catch that light" and the "Oh crap, my card is full and the other one is in the car". Lore couldn't make it that night and Randy did his best to be not only my assistant but my creative consultant. My favorite thing is that he never once got huffy when I said something he suggested wouldn't work out and he dragged Fez in and out of the car, over walls, through sand and rocks. AND he was a joy the entire time. So a special thanks to my guy. Handy AND nice to look at. What more could a girl ask for?

Thanks Baby!