Monday, February 25, 2008

my body is rebelling against me

My nose is my enemy.

Well that's not exactly fair or true. In all honesty my nose is just a victim in all of this. Its actually my sinuses that are my enemy.

This week marks the nine week anniversary of an antagonistic relationship I have with a virulent sinus infection that is trying to ruin my life. Now before you start to nag on me, I DID go to the doctor. A hundred and forty dollars later I had some antibiotics, a bottle of strong decongestants, and hope.

Now almost a month later all of these things are gone.

I have come to grips with the fact that I am never going to get well. I am going to have to live with green stinky never-ending snot for all eternity. I will have sinus pressure till I am old and gray. All my money will go to three things: Kleenex, toilet paper, and paper towels. If any other paper products were suitable for me to make a pocket of man-made rubber cement I would simply add those to my list. I will never be able to properly smell or taste. I will be forever addicted to the crack of decongestants or what they deceptively market as Afrin. Randy is gonna have to get a new room because I will from now on snore like a Mac truck. I'll have to start wearing a fanny pack in which to carry my always-present roll of toilet paper. I'm going to continue to think of Kleenex as the 'Paper of Existence'. My life is OVER.

On the upside my nose is now paper towel resistant. I could wipe it with sand paper and my nose would laugh in the face of it's futile attempt to start something. I appreciate breathing a lot more now. And maybe , just maybe, since I haven't been to gym since this started on account it gets hard to do cardio while breathing slime, the lack of sense of smell will get me to eat less.

Yeah... I didn't think so either.

1 comment:

Just me said...

9 weeks, are you serious! You should go back to the Dr. I think you qualify for the good stuff after this long. Oh and Walgreen was advertising that nasal flusher you want so badly. Go get one.