Tuesday, February 2, 2010

Performing your civic duty BLOWS.

OK. So yeah. It was fascinating to see our justice system at work first hand. It was also exceedingly long, tedious, frustrating and quite frankly a little bit disheartening.
If you ever find yourself headed to trial or to jury selection, here's some things, from my experience, you can maybe expect:

1. Sometimes the judge is a pretty funny guy and shares personal stories with you. Also these would be a good way to find him if your family member is convicted. You know... to talk with him. In private.

2. In jury selection sometimes you might see people you know. And sometimes because of the topic of the case you learn new things about them. Like how they live in Spanish Fork and have two kids now. Also how they are engaged to a convicted sex offender.

3. Sometimes the defence also has an attorney that is co-chairing a case cause they are new. Watch these attorneys because often they are often patronizing to the opposing council's witnesses and have absolutely no p-p-p-oker face and you can tell that they are really pissed when the judge overrules their objections. Entertaining during really long and or boring testimony.

4. When a witness is on the stand, sometimes the judge's chair breaks and he almost falls out. He almost always finds the wheel later.

5. Occasionally when the jury comes back in after a recess a juror forgets where his or her seat is and tries to jump over the row back to their seat only to get stuck. And embarrassed.

6. At times the bailiff falls asleep.

7. Its hard to get the jury to agree when when one outspoken juror in particular doesn't think that any of the testimony is evidence, that there are no facts, and that all the witnesses were either lying or having "power trips" or "bad day(s)".

8. Sometimes the trial goes on forever. So the court buys you dinner from Brick Oven. Woot! Free food.

9. Could happen that you will deliberate until midnight and the bailiff will come and ask you imploringly if you want to possibly deliberate the next day or if you are almost done. Please dear Lord, say you're almost done.

10. Sometimes as a jury you can not agree even though everyone thinks the defendant is guilty because one juror gets everyone hung up on technicalities while others wring their hands cause they just don't want to send someone to prison. And they are all 23 and younger.

11. Sometimes in their closing statement the defense council says that they aren't calling the police officer who testified a liar, then proceeds to call him a liar. Also... she is scary.

12. Be wildly entertained when in jury room, outspoken juror uses a button to summon the bailiff and gets shocked.

13. Might be you find yourself bitter yet also somewhat redeemed when the outspoken juror that had convinced everyone they couldn't convict the defendant on the evidence at hand is told by the prosecutor after trial that the defendant was not only guilty of the crime but was doing the same thing that put him in jail previously. Juror then yells at the prosecutor telling him he should have done a better job proving his case when almost all the other jurors had wanted to convict the defendant. Might want to strangle said juror. Also, give all underage girls a warning flier with the defendants face on it.

So there you are, just some things to expect while being a part of our nation's amazing justice system. I only hope there's a little blue paper in your future, good luck.
Now. Wheres my eighteen dollars!!!??


Lore said...

LOL... you left out the best part.. AND you got PAID! So what if it was only $18 that is an evening of entertaiment right there. It is like your own little murder mystery party with strangers.

The Ridgeways said...

wow, 1 person turned all of you sheep to the not guilty side? Shocking, lol. At least you had a few entertaining highlights and to an unemployed soul like myself 18 isn't bad, why doesn't anyone ever ask me to do jury duty?

liesel said...

only you can turn something so mundane/obnoxious into hilarity for the rest of us. The outcome sucks though, stupid outspoken juror.