Bah Humbug!!

In the spirit of the season I thought it was time to spout off some festive crap followed by a disclaimer stating how this season has been good for me and how that means bad things for YOU as my friends and loved ones. So without further ado...

Every year right around this time I am once again reminded why I detest Christmas music SO much. Every store I walk into has the mindless droning of a musician who thought a Christmas album would be great to pad the ole pocket book. I'll go ahead and compare it to say... the Twilight movie. Its the music version of that. Lets hurry and make it and shove it out there to be bought by the masses while its marketable, who cares if it's MADE well? Anyway... I digress. Don't get me wrong. There are some good ones out there, but you can only play them so many times in a space of time between Halloween and Christmas (Thank you Cozy and FM100 for singlehandedly making my ears bleed) before you gotta start filling in the holes with the real stinkers. The following is a list of songs that if I never hear again I won't be all peein' my pants about:

5. Wonderful Christmas time by Paul McCartney. Love love love it when he tries to get that extra syllable to fit.
4. Little Drummer Boy by David Bowie and Bing Crosby. Say what?? Who said, "ya know, I know who would just be GREAT together!!"
3. Anything sang by the Chipmunks, Muppets and or fictional cartoon or holiday characters. Do I have Barney playing in my car? No. I don't wanna hear its equivalent sang while I'm shopping either. 'Nuff said.
2. Grandma Got Ran Over by a Reindeer by Dr Elmo. I can't believe stations even PLAY this. They are probably the same people that think Larry the Cable Guy is funny.

And finally the one you are all waiting for...

1.The Christmas Shoes by Newsong. Oh holy night, is that a BAD song. The person who wrote it should be publically flogged.

Did I miss anything??

And now on a last note, this year Randy and I decided that the bargains were too good to pass up, Christmas or no, on some things we have wanted for a long time. We recently purchased both a new desktop (post coming about THAT later) and a new flat screen TV. What does that mean for you??? You're all getting an old sock with candy in it. Sorry guys!

mishaps make the best stories

I've said it before, and I'll say it again. Mishaps always make for the most entertaining tales. Perhaps some day I will blog the horror story that was my date with "Fingers", or enlighten you about the time Lucky and I went on our first girl's only camping trip and our run in with "Joe," the girlfriend abusing drunkard. Maybe just maybe you'll hear the one about Chanel jumping out of the ravine charging golf cart. Maybe.

Today I will hopefully amuse you with an adventure titled: Tracy and the "So That's Why They Make You Sign a Waiver" Castle of Chaos

Last year right around this time Randy and I went on a double date with his charming work associate and his lovely wife. For anonymity's sake we will call them Jack and Jill. First off we went to Tepenyaki and had dinner there cause well... it makes me salivate. Sushi anyone?? O-kay... getting sidetracked. Back to the story. After we retreated to our home to decide what to do next. We finally went with a haunted house and all agreed on the Castle of Chaos. Mainly I think cause it had the best website. Or the coolest name. I forget.

Note to self: Do not make judgements on a night's activities by the coolness of websites or the awesomeness of titles. It will only end in tragedy, or at least one person being really really pissed.

Anyhow, it was a cold and rainy night. We drove downtown and got in line and were staggered by the admission price first off. Despite that we got the "X-Scream Pass" which was an extended part of the house for a little extra. I got ready for the mingled sense of anxiety, awkwardness, and very slight fear that usually accompanies your run of the mill haunted house. Silly me, I should have gotten ready for things more like pain, horror and disgust.

Things started just as they should and exactly how I expected. Lots of screaming teenage girls, bad make-up, fog machines, Randy and Jack making off-hand remarks to the actors. You know the usual. Then things took a turn for the worse. We entered a room where the actors herded two of your party into "coffins" that they had to lay in and they would pass through the wall while the rest of your group walked around and was confronted by your usual crowd of ghouls. Since we had gone to dinner, I was wearing a suit jacket and a sweater vest and didn't feel like getting dirty or rumpled so I opted to go around. After the corner the room had a strobe light. As I walked through the room one of the actors lunged at me in order to scare me.

Now maybe its an occupational hazard for the actor, but I didn't sign up for what came next. Perhaps thrown off by the strobe light, (I guess you never get used to them or maybe cause I just rule that way) the young man, who was wearing glasses at the time, while lunging at me, resoundingly, head-butted me. I was told later by Jack that you could completely hear the THWACK even with all the other noise going on. Everything went black, the pain was intense and I staggered a bit. The actor also staggered back clutching his head and mumbled "sorry" while holding onto his glasses which had snapped in half.

This was about the time that I noticed that he had hit me so hard one of my soft contacts had popped out of my eye. Fantastic. Super even. Did I mention I still had half of the house to go with that blasted extended pass? The rest of the first house was a muddled foggy mess in my mind. My head hurt, I couldn't see worth a damn, and I was royally pissed off.

When we got to the end of the first section we got to a waiting area where I found that we had collided so hard that I was wearing some of the accident prone kid's make-up. I had a white smear across my forehead (and a HUGE headache). Everyone had a good laugh. Well almost everyone.

Next up, thankfully the last of my trials. We entered into the second section and were told that we had two choices: go through this curtain by yourself or CRAWL on your hands and knees through a tunnel. OK then. They only let two of each party go the curtain route so I ended up crawling in my suit jacket and nice clothes through a tunnel where hundreds of people had already passed on this rainy night.

I. Was. Pleased.

The rest of the house consisted of my clutching onto the back of Jill's coat so i wouldn't get lost being that I couldn't see--fog or not, and trying not to be the "Really Bitter Person that Ruins Everyone Else's Good Time".

I'm now told that this year they make you sign a waiver cause they get "blood" and such on you and the actors can touch you but you can't touch them. Like blood flinging, grabby strippers or something. I think I pass.

Mac envy

So Apple has these fun commercials where two actors play Mac and PC. PC is played by a short, chubby awkward guy with glasses and Mac is played by actor Justin Long who is strangely cool without looking like he tries very hard. The campaign is pretty witty and smart and I think they really connect with people. I think they are pretty humorous and I always stop my Tivo in mid fast forward to watch if I think its new.

Unfortunately, my computer is a short chubby awkward guy with devil horns, a spiked tail, pitchfork and a bad sense of humor. His name is Dell. I hate Dell. I'm pretty sure Dell hates me. I've never actually come out and asked because we don't talk much. We're not friends. Dell is overly dramatic, stubborn and slow. I'm very demanding and bossy. We just don't mesh but we are forced to spend long amounts of time together and it makes us both hot under the collar and frustrated.

Dell sometimes refuses to charge even though we had a big to do about it once before. We got Dell a new battery and supply cord. We were very cordial. I promised to be nicer, but it all began to fall apart soon after that. Dell gets mad and charges intermittently when he feels like it, on and off, over and over, and the now the battery lasts half as long as it should. Sometimes Dell won't charge at all and we have to beg, plead, and cajole till he's done being a drama queen.

Recently Dell got a virus. He blamed it on us. Granted our virus protection was frighteningly low but that's because when we do have it set to the full protection he gets lazy. Dell starts taking ten minutes to get his lazy butt up and another five to get us on to the internet. I think he feels safe so he messes with us. Since then Dell has been a real snot; freezing pages or taking an eternity to load. I've had it up to here.

Randy hates when I complain about Dell. He figures if I hate Dell so much I should just go and buy a new desk top. That's great I'd love to do that but unfortunately I have my heart set on Mac. He's cute, and stylish and ohhhh so cool. He's really artistic and would be great for a photographer like myself. Unfortunately, Mac is also pricey. So I am saving and its gonna take me some time. I want the works. Dell and I will just have to get along for a while longer. In the mean time we will resort to some petty taunting. Randy has already started. Check out Dell's sweet decals.

He's pissed.